A Wishful Wish of A Wonderful Person

Wish for someone who would see me
Wish for someone who come to this dark room
Wish for someone who would not scold to me
Wish for someone who want to see the imperfect me

Wish for someone who would not yell at my mistake
Wish for someone who take my hand
Wish for someone who would bleed to broke the door

Wish for someone who would accept my mistake
Wish for someone who would make me smile

Wish for someone who would take me from that dark room.

Wish... that person would come.

A room where I just wait and see looking at the guy who have my body. Hey, look, there is this guy in that side of mirror, but he isn't me. I'm just here, stood on the dark room at the very bottom of inner me. Just sit and watch.

Yeah, I think there would be no one would find me. This very wall that should protect me is covering me from being found out. Instead, it only give me the chill and when I think of it, I just want to be found. This brick of self defense, the scar from broken trust, the animal sense of protection, the feeling of loosing dignity, the fear of loosing existence is clouding the sight of other.

Every life has the end, but, no, I would not end my life. Although, I wish there is a way to end it. But, there is a strong soul from me to see a hope that someday someone would open the door. So, for this time, I will play along and watch that other guy take me.

No, he isn't me, he just the one that everyone would expect. He is the one that would be the savior of the world. I see everyone glad to see him. Everyone smile is precious for me, so why bother to have me? Let that person be the one in control and I just stay here, sitting watching.

No one would see me, right? No one would expect the true me, right? I mean, who would see an errand with so much pain and despair? Everyone just need a savior and I just realize I could fill in that position. They don't need me, they only need that me. So, why should I wake from this floor?

If I remember, everytime I tried to be me, there would be anger. I would ruin the good relationship with other. Instead of getting out from this room, I just get left out again and again. Ah, this mistake shall not continue! I'll just sitting here and let that me take over.

Why bother with self pity? Crying will get me nowhere. Yeah, I do complain and sometimes I just want to smack random people into their face. See of how much they bleed and may be feel the same hurt when they fight back. Yeah, that might be a good idea.

No, I'm not being sarcastic because it may be not a good Idea. I'm not being pessimistic, just being pragmatic. Look here, no way that it would change. The world is just as is. I would expect nothing less and nothing more.

Hmm.. anyway, I'm happy with this... this way of life.

No, you're not! You just feel that way. I'm sorry if today I write with gender. Not to be sexist, I just want you, dear readers, to feel that this is a personal writing of me. So, as you dive into the writing, you would identify you in me. Got it? Did you felt yourself that was written above?

Unfortunately, the more connected people, the more people felt casted away. This is the fact haunt the modern society. Deadlines, alien neighbour, and the lost picture of a family have become the trait of today's culture. These and other factors lead people to have races over things that suppose to be shared.

Greed, why is it common today? It is because of the fear of man of loosing existence. Of course, you are not that kind of man/women. But believe me, nobody is! Everyone just fear to loose again.

If you would say that who is the best mentalist, I would not say Deddy C. or any mental magician or any witch but the society itself. The society would inject you to burry the honest you and take out that other crafted personally as you in person.

---- CHRISTIAN SECTION [may skip this if you wish] -----
If you are a Christian, or maybe just interested in Christianity, I would suggest you to take SPK (Saya Pengikut Kristus/I am Jesus' Follower) and take Champion Gathering camp. The second option is, get into KK/Komsel/PA group/[name any cell group meeting term here].

Don't take it yourself. Remember when Jesus sent his 70 disciples? They were sent in the team of two people. See, even God knows that people cannot walk alone to stand with their principles, to hold true as themselves.

Stop being stubborn!

Even King David the mightiest king of Israel cried when he was down. He ran to the Lord and said all of his sorrows. Do you think you are more brave than the king who would be feared by all his enemy? There were this saying that said if King David's personal army is at war, the war will be hard, if the one of his commander is personally in charge, the enemy will flee, and if the king himself on that war, the enemy would surrender in the very beginning. But, that man made a book with his sorrows and sins and the joy and the hope he would gladly found in God.


So, why don't you true to yourself. It's alright to cry because it is a relief mechanism made by the body (through evolution/creation depends of you reader believe). So, release all anger and sadness. It is alright to scream and shout. Let all the anger go away. Because when you shout, the brain release all the natural painkiller.

Everyone is like that. Why don't you take your place and try to make friend with some people? Yeah, sometimes frictions happen. But, hey, that's normal as people try to adjust themselves each other. As you progressing, you would find yourself mutually dependent each other. Try to be honest.

As I experimented it, when I made a mistake, I would apologize. There is nothing I can do about it and the event is already done. The result of being honest is not like everyone of us think of. They would accept your failure and start motivating.

There are kinds of way known for people. The first is like myself, I would like to motivating people to overcome their boundaries. I would push people. Yeah, this kind of people is bitching alot. But, trust me, you should be grateful. I would not bother to say something good if I felt it is a worthless effort. Again, it is natural that when a person sees failure in other people and try to say I'm cared with pushing them to go forward and leave the failure behind.

And yes there are kind of people who just cheer up.

In the end, there is nothing wrong of being honest and open. You would not loose anything but the feeling of depressed.


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