My Father

I've just watched Hana Kimi, a Jap film about Japanese girl cover up as a student in all boy's high school. Well, the drama just fine but the one thing impressed me is the scenes about Kano's father.

True, men's always hide his feeling. It seems forbidden for a men show his passionate love towards anything including his beloved.

Have you ever had your father said that he loved you? Well... I haven't heard that, yet and I just kinda figured it out that many of us not. Fathers seems acting like they are strong and mysterious us the family. It's just like a common notion that a man must not built his affection toward things, expecting everything working with cold blooded head called stubbornness.

As a men, I'm also facing problem like that. It's not a sincere matter to see a men cried. But, I know, we also can have a broken heart as women do. But, it's unwritten law that we, men, must stubbornly carry all those wounds as a trait. We call them leadership, gentlemen, manliness, menship, and other sh*t.

That's not right. As I study, I also found out that a man's heart is as futile as women's. Even, further investigation I found out that men's more prone to a broken heart more than a women. But, the effect of the broken heart is seems more dangerous than a women.

When a women broken, she would have an option to cried out loud, call some friends and talked it together. Men doesn't have such. Men will take their surrounding into their sorrow. They will alienate themselves and then their closest.

That's why we often see father beaten his children, because he found the education of beating is the way of many to show their children how much their love and how they afraid of their children would be lost. It's not his fault. He was taught like that by his father and the surrounding, made him to choose his affection like that. This type of father notoriety is mostly found on traditional family.

The other type of father is also being dangerously open. This type of father is found in the modern age where there is a generation gap between his and his children. This is also not his fault. He was raised in a generation of hard work. He was born in an age of post war where everybody have a hard time to live. He was sworn against his life to have his family not being like that.

Now, the trouble came when his children, the baby boomer, came unto this world. He was at his lifetime sworn to make his children happy. He never slapped his children, even more, he never been there for his children. His thought was to provide their children needs and shelter where they can called a home. Unfortunately, he was unnoticed his hard work was leaning his children towards loneliness.

Generation gap, men's #1 rule, alienation, and men brokenness.

But, believe me. They do care a lot.

Although my father never said that he love me, whenever I came to my house late he always waited in the front of the house. When he spoke I know he sounded like an answering machine or some kinda robot. But, deep in his heart he is worried about me and he just want to know my condition. Even when he was sleeping, he will soon wake up just to see me.

There was a time when I came to a thinking where I thought he would not care to me. He never cried for his family. He seemed too distant and untouched. But, one day I knew that he loved me so much that he sacrificed something important just to see me keep on. I am too embarrassed to write it up what he was sacrificed. To have it in my memory just made me a shameful person to be his son. I thought I could never do the same sacrifice as he was.


Many of you readers may not have the same privilege as I am. But, if you have a problem with your father, like I think most of you. Try to talk to your father. Even if he wasn't able to say it, reflect all his actions in all the time and you would find amazed by his love affection.

Which kind of your father? The one with iron hand or the one with hard working?

I know my father, the one that loves his family. Yeah, I know he is the "old way" guy, but he would force himself to change just to understand his children. I know he wasn't perfect, but I'm proud to be his son.

Darn it! I got something in my eyes. I think I must stop write this thing.

Father, I know there is a 99% you would not be able to read this and there would be a 99% chance that I would not say this: [directly]
THANK YOU, your son.
On the second thought, I might be able to say those word, hopefully.


  1. ehm.. yup2..

    gw jg br tau klo cowo itu emg suka memproteksi dirinya.. utk memproteksi itu, mreka berfikir dgn logika dibandingkan dgn feeling.. krn ketika perasaannya tersentuh (terluka) mreka ato kalian2 itu sebenernya lbh ringkih bkn dibandingkan kami yg sdh sering terluka?

  2. Huehehe... semua orang pernah terluka, hanya kami didesain untuk menyimpannya bukan membukanya. :P


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