No Title of Love

I see an alarming trend of posting something shaky mind (labil). I would like to be able to participate in the trend. But, what should I tell? I hope this is quite labil.

I am a man born from families of two worlds. My mother was born in a wealthy family. OTOH, my father was a missionary son. So, I have a glimpse of both world.

I often got invited by them to go to some restaurants. I love them, they are flamboyant. They love to dress casually, so casually that we often misunderstood as poor people. Well, I am but not them, ha... ha... ha....

There was a time in a restaurant when the waiter said something rude to us because of our clothes. I felt very insulted that crossed on my mind: "Is this the country that I need to serve and protect?"

I mean, won't you felt insulted when you were entering a restaurant and suddenly the waiter told your family, "Sir, our meal costs one million rupiah." WTH? Did he think we would blindly coming into the place without knowing the price?

At that day I almost abandoned open source and kiss good bye to maintain KAMBING. I felt very humiliated. So humiliated that I thought, why would I struggle for these stupid people that only took everything for granted. Yeah, those people whom only felt the benefit but not knowingly having those because of other is struggling for them.

I knew my mind playing tricks on me. There are people whom have superior things done that made open source great in Indonesia. I have only a tiny fraction contribution in it if compared with them.

I mean, there is Pak Ibam, my hero, whom founded TLD-ID, KAMBING and the author of IPv6 roadmap document (The long winding road). There is Iang, a magical baby whom codes like speaks (or is it the way around?). There is also Adin, whom organized all the open source activity under KAMBING and making it sustainable.

Who am I compared to them?

For me, open source is always a work of community. I even think that KAMBING is a work of a team.  But, the insult was making my ego taking over me. My bigotry had possessed my mind.

In my assertion of the failure of my ego I learned something. Ego grown from the result of insecurity. This insecurity is something happened as an alarm when your existence is being endangered.

I felt insecurity because I have made my decision to walk a path that no one would take. This insecurity feeling also amplified by the feeling of a third class citizens. At that time, there were news about Christians getting abused. This insecurity feeling piled from time to time and this incident is making it worse.

Anyway, my flamboyant uncle answered, "I can order two million rupiah, can't I?"

Ha... ha... ha... He's the man! :) He knew how to handle the situation. Everyone was quieted down. I think everyone of us were struggling to not going berserk. Fortunately, it was Sunday.

And after that we were served in the table. The owner (or may be the manager?) comes from table to table and asking about how's our meal. He is so well mannered and have a good tone. I wish the waiter could be like him, the restaurant could have been perfect. His way of communication soothed my anger.

Well, I don't know what's wrong with some people in this town. But, don't a respect is a kind of thing that you would have? Especially when you are in the service business?

I mean, I don't mind if I was not accepted in a restaurant requiring formal attire. They want to maintain integrity that not having people with non-formal attire to go in. That's fine and I would gladly accept the reason. If they would politely tell that, I am fine.

I value people.

I have always put people in my serving as kings and queens. The first reason is because Christian teaching require the subjects to do so.

The second reason is the most important one.

There are people whom made a foolish decision of coming back home to Indonesia and served the country. There are people whom choosing the thorny path to make things right. There are people still dreaming of Indonesia and making it better.

These people are often shadowed by butt-licking, corrupted people. They are transient for common people. Their work credits often stolen by others with sharp tongues.  As humans, they also have one common need: having a luxury of acknowledgement.

You see, I have seen these kind of people walking in and out. They were humble. They aren't pushy. They respect other people.

Unfortunately, people often abuse those respects. For instance, they would still stand in the line while people cutting them.

That's why when I served people, I paid attention to respect them. You never know that, may be, this person here that you were serving is struggling for making an economic framework for farmers, instead of using his ability for forecasting.

May be this vintage, geeky, retro middle aged person that I'm trying to serve is a person whom struggled with studying marine lives for conserving fishermen lives. Or, may be this one is really having integrity to have his/her students excel.

They were doing their works so much that they might abandoned their own needs. They might be ramming through the barrier without ever considering the burning arrows from sides.

These people, I have committed to have them comforted. I wish to provide them with the best damn quality that we could serve. That's my pride.

I know I often argued with my comrades about how things should be done because of that. Still, I will not give up easily for them.

There you have it. My positioning in life as an idealist whom supports idealists.

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Anyway, I feel shy to write those above. I don't like to write about anything about my idealism. It feels like I am about to end the journey. This kind of writing should be there in 50 years later of my life.

How can those ababils could write their lives so easily?