Facebook Parenting, Parents and Kids and Teh Internet
I've watched "Facebook Parenting: for the troubled teen for a long time. But, an article by Forbes discussing a parody version by Barely Political made me took a moment to think this seriously. This problem is deep.
At first, I don't take this seriously because I don't think it is possible to have college while having senior at school. But, after a little searching, I found out that it is indeed possible in US, especially in suburban and community college. He isn't bluffing! That program is especially made for children pressed with hard times.
I respect this man's proposition. He might have a hard time and hard earned lesson to establish his life. He might the type of person that want to have his hard earned money spent well enough for his family. He might be the type of people that work hard so that his children might not having the hard way like him.
Not that I'm trying to feel great, but that's what happens with baby boomers generation. We are so much spoiled by our parents that we have lost some of ability to survive alone in the society. So many things taken for granted that we beginning to lose a sense of thankful.
Baby Boomer Gets Bombed
I have seen children like this, spoiled by parents ended up living with a hard life. They are "domesticated" by their parents ability to fulfill almost all of their desire that they don't need to have basic rules for the society. They were protected and never have any hardships.
This kind of kid would grow into adults and get a family of their own. Some of them would sank their spouse with their family. I have seen a family that was once live well enough but ended up moving constantly trying to hide themselves from loan sharks. Another family forced the female spouse to take all the job responsible while the male would turn to his parents for additional.
And this is the problem that makes another broken family. Their children would inherit pain and they would lost their sense of parenting. They might ended up grow up as a troubled kid, living in the fear of having relationships with others. Afraid of making other bad example and getting hurt.
And this broken family would cause another problem. Some kids would go into other cheap loves. Either they having a gay older friends or having free sex with friends. Some would lost in a community of addicts. Worst, many would ended up wanting to kill their disabled parents.
What a troubled world, children who were "domesticated" often get blames for their inability. Yet, nobody have ever studied them and seek for what is wrong with them. This cruel world would never asked about how come they became like that. Nope, this is a jungle and this domesticated people are doomed.
A Hard Lesson About Life
Remember when I say we? I too belong to the baby boomer generation. My parents are people of the hard working class. I even doesn't have any sense of how troubled our financial status when we were having hard times especially in the late 90's when economic crisis crashed Indonesia.
Until this day I have no ability to sweep my floor. If I have ever given a chance to have my own house, it would ended up as a garbage dump. I, too, have a hard time to do dishes. I'm having a great trouble to have initiatives to help out. Such insensitivity.... Gosh, this post is beginning to be a reflexive post for me.
Of course, with this inability, I should have a downfall long time ago.
Fortunately, or not, I have a great environment to simulate the world. In my time of adolescene, it was so common for a school fighting another school. It was a common case when we would read newspaper and found students hijacking buses. It was a common thing for teachers regularly checking bags searching for dangerous weapons.
I remember a story from my friend, there was a school where students secretly made bows for shooting people. I remembered in when I was in a train. A frightened kid was taking his shirt and hidden by passengers. And if that was not enough, the train was stopped an students carrying katana swept the train looking for their "enemies".
If you would remember, there were many stories of students attacking students. The most notorious was the failed attack of deliquents from a school that was repelled by locals. They were slaughtered because of trying to attack a school far in Bogor.
In such horror, I learned to respect people. It was rude to look into the eyes. Any provocative words could ended up in fight to the death. And stay away from people with red eyes, they might be drunk and most likely looking for trouble. Heck, I remember one student got caught and got beaten really bad yet he was still laughing. He then cried in pain when the drug torn off.
Fast forward these days....
It is common for a kid to speak blatantly. One thing that made me stop visiting LAN games area (Warung Internet a.k.a Warnet) was the foul mouth of them. An elementary kid would swearing like it was nothing. They would made provocative comments on the chat and made many cheats on gaming like nothing.
If it was in the old days, they would be dragged outside and getting "interviewed". Time has changed and people just want to have fun. We might be bother by their words, but we are so full with the game and we started to be forgiving.
After all, who would want to be a scumbag who yelled a child? Brawling with an elementary is not an elegant.
Troubled Kid and Protective Parents
I remember, there was a time when someone dared to yell back. Trying to teach a lesson or two. Unfortunately, things get serious. The child ran to his parent and then his father came with angered voices and yelled the poor person. *SIGH*
These kind of parents. Never take enough time to check their children and making wild guess by judging their children blameless. This kind of parent is a harm to society.
I remember a child so daring that the child yelled at the teacher. This child exploiting current education system that place teachers equally with students. The kind of education of the West that making spanking a serious crime. I have read that some teachers getting trouble when trying to discipline their students with spanking.
And many teachers ended up trying to save their asses. No one dared to do that thing again. With save stance, they usually take a silence. Not even once tried to fix this bad behavior.
I'm not against the new approach. But, guess what? It flawed! And here's the reason:
The teacher was educated to become educators with Japanese/Asian education style. This type of education is putting the teacher above the students. They should be the source of knowledge. They are the patronage that should be followed. Punishment is a tool to teach.
Now, this new value, which is a good value in that students and teacher equal, making the way of old teaching obsolete. This disruptive new mechanism unfortunately aren't communicated into our educators. This in the end make the education system greatly flawed.
If that wasn't bad enough, there is another thing that bring sadness. Many people regarded as education's patron decided to make their children home schooling instead of fixing the problem. Why?
School is a melting pot. It isn't just a place to have formal education. It is supposed to be a place where children learn many things. They would learn many different personalities and face many obstacles. In those things, they would learn to fit in.
And now, the school becoming harder and harder. Bullies would made scenes. Children making their own world. This world is becoming more and more a Neverland. The music and pop industries amplify them. And the digital world justify them.
The Lost Of Respect
Why do we respect a person? Because the person is superior in things.
Today's children are unimpressed by the lack of ability of their parents to grasp emerging technologies. They have vast access to information. Many things that was hard to have can be easily get nowadays with the help of forums and search engines. Their ego are also nourished by the way they could owning (beating) adults in online games. The anonimosity making them stand uncorrected.
This false protection eventually will makes them pay dearly one day. I mean, do they expecting their parents would be there to support them forever financially?
Again, these poor "domesticated" people would eventually forced to grow up against the world. It would be interesting how many people would be in a lot of trouble in few years to come. Japan have NEET as a problem and I'm intrigued of how Indonesia would having our own version of that.
I wonder, why people don't have sense of responsibilities these days, especially media people. Parents are bombarded with the need of giving their their children flourishment. These days I failed to watch any ad that include a functional family raised a good child.
For example, these days I only see milk ads with the theme of kids becoming super kid. Is there an ad of milk where they promote communication as a real parenting and the milk is the addition? CMMIW.
Once again, when children have a great growth in their thinking, they do need special attentions. In the past, geniuses are using special classes. People with greater ability that needs special attention was having extra care from their teachers. These folks are having special priveleges. Now, these kind of people are alot these days. These bright people need special attentions.
How many prepared to be having a child bombarding them with questions? How many people could lead their children to have better communication? Heck, how many people ready to teach their children to have respect to others?
The Journey Goes On
As the person who gets into youth ministry, I have a mixed feeling about this. I believe that each of us would have a time in our lives to become a deliquent. But, what I see is the age of a person becoming a real adult is getting older and older these days.
I don't want to further discuss this into details. I'm afraid of unwisely disclosing any of other's personal information. But, I wish to discuss with you who read this.
- How do you earn your child their respect?
- How do you communicate your children about digital gap between you and them, and still having their respect despite you are inferior?
- How do you "undomesticate" them?
Dr. Phill's response to the Facebook Parenting, "humiliating your child in the public is wrong."
Jordan's (The Parent) response is: "73% of the responder [note: from the article] said I was right. Besides, you humiliate teenagers world wide almost on every of your episodes. I do it by accident, you do it by profit."
And I agree with Jordan. But, as a parent please choose a safer method. Your daughter might get traumatized for the rest of her life.