Why Believe in God?

I couldn't agree more!

Sometimes the sole reason why we believe in god is because we are born in a religious family. Maybe when I'm in the Moslem family, I would believe in Allah than Jesus. Maybe if I'm a child in India making my ways into the Gangga river for blessing. Or some religions where my family went to believe.

Don't you ever doubt the faith you have?

I have. And I believe many are doing so. There are levels of questioning, further to demising the faith. The basic would be: "Who is the right god?", "What if what I believe is wrong?", "Is god really loving me?"

Then, when in the denial, the most lowest of our lives, the despair, we step further: "is there a historic record for the events happening in the [YOUR HOLY SCRIPTURE HERE]?", "is there a miracle?", "why merciful god so cruel to let [INSERT TRAGEDY HERE]?", "why they have better lives than we, even though they do [INSERT SINFUL ACT HERE]?"

Then, for the mind that gets feed with academic philosophical questioning minds: "creationist deny science!", "magic debunked", "miracles just a mere none", "the thoughts of [INSERT YOUR SCRIPTURE'S WORDING HERE] are misleading and contradicting."

But then again, the dogmas of years living in religious family would made you felt sorry for yourselves. And those questioning minds are being ignored. The religious dogmas put the fear in our heart. It always defeats ourselves and making us not true for ourselves.

Maybe...

We don't believe in god. We fear him/her/it/[INSERT REFERENCE TO YOUR GOD(S) HERE]. We fear the society. We fear of not belonging. We fear of being rejected. The church/mosque/temple/[INSERT YOUR RELIGION'S WORHIP PLACE HERE] is a symbol of a good guy. I don't want to be looked as a bad person, don't I?

I think, the reason of we being submissive to god is not because of we are having a good relationship with god. It's just we're too scared to be judged as a bad person. We are afraid because of the doubt that god may actually exists. And we are afraid that people will start to hate us.

The safe bet is instead of being atheists we are being agnostics.

Truthfully, I don't want to write this entry. I shy myself from speaking about my faith. I think some of you are not that ready.

Why don't we just erase religion from our ID? Why don't we embrace atheism and agnosticism? Why don't we go secular?

[you may stop reading this point. The later is about my rant about my personal belief and people who get messed it around.]

I don't like these recent years.

People are getting to church without relationship with God. When I was little, people would not mind to have more than two hours sermons. Nowadays, they would glare to the time keeper just to keep the pastor to stop at given amount of time. They would criticize the sermon, songs sung, and the way the show ran.

In the past, people would gives their best dresses and show up early. Nowadays, people would come late to the Sunday service. And even in the beginning we have warned people to shut their phone, there would be a damn phone rung. Some would take text messages and surfing through their smart phones. And when they felt bored they would skip the sermon and walked out early.

I'm a Pentecostal and our church is one that celebrates ten days of waiting for the Holy Spirit descending. One of the speaker said something that also struck me. In the past, people would prepare themselves for these ten days. In the past, there would be up to four speakers. The service would be more than four hours long.

But, the fascinating about it was that there would be miracles.

In the past, many people that done crimes afraid to attend that service. The reverends would reveal their sins through. In the past, people would spoke in tongues and others would decrypting the messages. People got healed through the services. Their land get blessed. Yes, the irrational things that some would hard to believe it now.

Nowadays, there is a trend of declining miracles. The solemn place where I could worship is like a theater where people try to enjoy the show. People would enjoy the song, the dance, and the sermon. Those are presented as if as an act to entertain people.

I do believe church should be a theater. We are all the actors and God is the sole audience that the subject to be pleased by us, the actors. The scripts that played should be with soul in it. Give the act more than Al Pacino or Sean Connery could do. Because contrary for those Oscar winning, we act with our lives. We are featuring ourselves.

I know, may be the declining pace of miracle is because we are reluctant to chase it anymore. Okay, maybe not we but me.

In the past, in one of the church once I helped, we have miracles constantly in making. Some hopeless people that have tried their best to be cured within medical and alternatives way. Some people in desperate for searching jobs, better lives, and family. Those broken came to us.

They got cured. They got jobs. They have dreams fulfilled. Then, they gone. That church just a relief center. As soon people get what they have, they leave.

The pastor kept quite about it, but I don't. After I'm relieved from the service, I have less time to pray for other people's sake. I know I'm being selfish. I beginning to think that people should pray themselves. It seems not a bad thought. But, that mind brought from my disappointed mind, which is wrong.

In the past, we would prepared ourselves. Having feast, praying, and repenting. We didn't have a formal music education. But, when we played, tears would part from many eyes. Joy songs would making even the old ladies dances. Our impromptu play at worshiping even can't be beaten by any Jazzy jam session.

Nowadays, player learned from Chick's and seasonal players. They have a good play, even complicated plays with crescendos, bridging, staggering play. But, they missed the part of worshiping.

Hmm... in the past like this, in the past like that. I feel like a grumpy oldman while I'm still in twenties of age...

It's just that I have declining faith and I'm struggling to find solemn place where I could connect to my God. So desperate that I even use this blog as a voice from my heart. Something that I wouldn't have done in the past.