An Ode to

We are now going to start a new era. After two years of isolation against COVID-19 pandemic, we are now allowed to go outside. The vaccine shots effectively take the pandemic away. 

However, this pandemic leaves scars to the whole world. 

Many people struggling with their economy. Trying to have their fill. Businesses fall. 

Many people have shortages on things because of the disruption in the supply chain. 

For me, my grief is to lose people dear to me and I wasn't there sending them off. My brother in-law, my uncles and aunties. They were gone and I haven't been there in the funeral. 

I also could not be there when my cousins were getting married. I was too scared to go outside before the second shot. 

I wonder if my extended families think I have changed. I wonder if they think I am now an arrogant selfish person. 

If I were alone, I would be dare to be everywhere. But, I have a wife. I have children that were  outside of vaccinated age. I can't go outside and jeopardize them. 

Deep inside I wish I could go. 

Oh, well, I'm not trying to defend my choices. My heart resentment is also proving that I myself don't agree 100% with my decisions. I could've done better. 

Lord, my heart is torn. But, I know You know, I'm trying to protect my family. You have sent them for me to lead. This is the way that I know to shield them against this pandemic. 

I know I played it safe. I chose to barricade myself and my family. This is the way that I know to avoid. This is my defensive technique. 

I do what I must. I regret it. I endure. 

For the greater good!