The Grief

I wanted to be mad at someone, or something. Why did the government had conflicting decisions? We already had a bill for pandemic: Quarantine law. Why created alternative hasty laws?

I wished I could mad at the government. But, what was the use? My brother-in-law, my uncle (from my father side) and my aunty (from my mother side) would not come back again.

I really resented their departures. They were good people. They helped families and even other people. More than that, they have special place in my heart. 

Perhaps, The LORD loves good people. He would call them faster to His side. He loves them so much.

Don't we always said, "life is for Christ, but death is my benefit." Isn't our goal is death in Christ? They should be people that ended the game in Christ! Shouldn't I celebrate their winning? 

Nah, I'm not gonna be in denial. I feel sad for them. Even with that knowledge, I still feel sour. 

And if I think about it, I don't blame the government for their inability to put out pandemic. 

They had a program, Visit Indonesia 2020. When the program was rolling, people shouted to do the quarantines. They felt their program jeopardized. In their fear, they used their buzzer to shut people who made the statements.

I mean, they staked billions of funds for Indonesian tourism. They wished it to launch well. 

Oh, well....

Nobody opposed them nor trying to challenge their decision to move on. 

And if the independent people want to take the job as being opposition, they are automatically labelled as a Kadrun. 

It was an indicator also of how messed up Indonesian democracy system right now. We have none that plays as opposition. None. 

Even if we have voted Jokowi. A single discontent will automatically labelled us as a Kadrun. Wow.

And now, stupid people get more attentions than ever! A cosmetic doctor with revoked permit can talk against Corona virus efforts. And people give her stage to spread her nonsense. 

And now, people starting to have strange ideas... 

No. I also can't blame people starting to believe these hoaxes. Many frustrated people need to have their jobs running. The pandemic abruptly stopped their income. Often they need to feed their families.

I think it's not fair to blame them when they are in the stage of denial. Universal Basic Income is not at the practical level. And don't think people can change industry faster!

People is not robot! Even robot would be useless. Imagine persons that stakes their entire carrier on service industry. They sleep on it, breath on it, put their mind on it. And then this pandemic stops them.

I wish I can mad at them, but I can't.

I'm a privilege person who can still get to work from home. But, they, who aren't covered by universal basic income, must struggle to feed their families. 

The Quarantine law has the universal basic income covered. But sucks to be Indonesian because their government chose to bypass that law. We can protest that if we want to. 

But, who want to have risk of being shunned by the people they are trying to help?

Now, I'll just weep there in the corner. I don't have a right to be angry nor have a voice. Because right now, I have become the privileged who stand on the sidelines.