:: JP Kurang Kerjaan ::

The Truth Is Out There...

2012-01-24T13:01:00.000+07:00

I have been wondering lately:

If DPR is house of people's representatives then how can people fired those that incompetent?

If DPR is open to people then why it has walls and fences that could stand zombie apocalypse?

If DPR is a house of democracy then why don't they let one of the yard become a place where people could shout instead letting them in the street in front of its gate?

This morning, I've been foked. In the midst of the jam, I asked to my self:

Why won't people protesting by not submitting to the police raiders that accompanying any car? Why don't we just not let them got through the traffic and let them get stuck with us also? I mean, they should eat their own dog food. To have the effect of their own shitty policies.

And one last question, why won't we force them to use public transportation at least once a week?

Is this kind of protest protected by law?

As inspired by many tweets:

"Naik Angkot diperkosa, naik bus dicopet, naik motor disenggol, naik mobil dibeset, jalan kaki ditabrak, tinggal di rumah banjir.... Jakarta keras, Bung!"

Happy traffic jam!

How to Make a Monster

2012-01-23T11:32:00.000+07:00

Violance is easy to cure from practical point of view. It's just so scary to do it practically.

I agree of what Stef said on this one. A sadist born from unfortunate events in his/her timeline. Not in a night but a lifetime, that's what it is that shape someone's mind. Of course, it's ceteris paribus; a drastic event could create traumatic can take it out in an instance.

Now, the real cure of it is compassion. Meaning, to swallow our pride and try to forgive the monster. A mere stare, a spit in the face, mockery and any humiliating would not effective. Any swearing would just make the monster invulnerable.

Why?

Because the monster is not the person. It is the state of mind of feeling troubled over the person's endangered existance. Everyone have the self-mechanism to defend one's own existance. By any mean necessary! A compassion is to protect the one's existance and to protect ourselves against its rampage.

An existance, either by this world or (to whom believe) other world, is a crucial matter for each human. It is a grand question of any person in the world. Some might try to define that we are purposeless, just some random biological compound of nature. But, by answering the question, those some are already in that question area. Isn't that they also seeking for their purpose?

A purpose. You can't give that to people via hatred. You can't change them by made them suffering. And simply, a lost person would not listen to people when the person feel like being dominated. Nobody loves to be dominated by others. Everyone wants control, even if the control is being other's command.

Yes, we want certainty in this uncertain world. Random things would prefered as long it is in the expected area of mind. We strive to change and adapt to change. Yet, we would want that change happens not beyond the area of our acceptance.

That's why, there is a hard way for people to change. You could not change a person's mind in a night unless with a drastic measure. Unfortunately, a drastic measure of making monster is easy to find, but a drastic measure to cure a person is hard. It takes time for people to change into a better man. An alarm could turn on in an instance, but you must take the time and procedure to take it off.

Now, the real question is: can you forgive someone who hurts you? Takes time, though.

Thus, easy to cure practically, yet hard to do it practically.

Homophobic

2012-01-19T08:00:00.000+07:00

Internet people tend to bash person whom against gay. At their game, they love to bash Christianity. They would call Christians whom against gay movement as stupid homophobic.

Seems nowadays many love to depict Christians, and religious people in general, as stupid people. The most controversial movie, Jesus Camp, further depicting Christian movement as a political agenda and brainwashing. In this I agree. This kind of evangelical is wrong.

From the film, it seems that they were from a charismatic church. Charismatics stems from Pentecostal, my view. Because of that, I could tell that obviously they were wrong from the start.

We are a part of Christianity whom believe that people should become an adult before baptized. Pentecostal won't baptize people before they consent with their choice! That's why I've got baptized at my junior high school age (around 14~16). Old enough to have my own decision considering I have read theological books and porns. :-P

My point is, people love to prejudice against all things. And their standard moral of whatsoever is biased against this kind of thing. How would people react to a person that have different view?

For all I know, the Christian's scripture is against gay. It was specifically said in the Scripture on the Old and the New Testament. An example of the passage written by Paul himself made me I consent to this.

"Whoa, in an information age and you still believing in that book?"

Well, to believe God and His Authority is better than believing gay is in a gene. At least God's existence was never been in theory and scientist shy away from proving that one seriously. Gay gene is unproven and mythical. So, while bashing a Christian from his believe, why don't you ask yourself of why would you believe a science fiction?

When people bashing other people. They tend to become an elitist. I, myself, feel this way also when writing this. I am trying to defend my existence especially my pride. In doing so, I find myself inflammatory and vulnerable to make myself superior to other. I hope you keep in mind that I don't want to make this writing that way.

I often get jokes of insulting religious believe. Like the controversial picture of an Arabian kissing by a French magazine, which often referred as an icon of certain religion. Or how a Jewish person pictured in many embarrassing pose which often referred as Jesus. And many insults that posted by people called themselves free open minded people, libertarians.

Not all of the libertarians like that, though. But, I compelled that this kind of thinking is a verbal harassment against our beliefs. The most frightening about verbal harassment is it won't kill people, yet it destruct our mind.

I know that insults to address Christians are not deadly. But, consider this, by labeling Christians as an idiotic person would shy away our kids. Every Christian would have trouble practicing one's faith.

When people having trouble expressing their religion because of the popular view is liberal, it also made my concern as:

"Don't this made liberal view just another religion that suppress other religion?"

When crosses are being pulled from public school I can accept that. But, when people get bullied because they are faith followers, aren't these discrimination?

As the age of information, we tend to blend. Some of us with firm beliefs are not easily convince. Instead of banishing these kind of people, why don't you ask them about people that have opposite belief?

And when a line must be drawn, I would say I object gay movement. But, people who is gay should not be circumcised from their rights. They should be respected as fellow humans. They have their right to believe they are right as much as we are too.

When an openly gay person comes to my house, I would probably welcome the person. And I would likely stand for them in their rights for having their lives. In fact, I have friends whom openly admit their preferences. Yet, I talk with them just like talking to other.

Now, the controversy is when an openly gay person come to my church. What should I do?

I would say, repent. When it comes to religion, this is not to be compromised. This is not exclusively to gay people. It also goes with other beliefs. In other words, they are considered as sinful as non-Christian people even if they were labeling themselves as Christians.

Don't push freedom too much. Religion is a private domain. Meaning, you could do anything as long it doesn't collide with human right and paradox. You can't force a belief to change against its rooting. I am complying to my own standard based on my firm belief of my religion.

But then again, I might be wrong. How about religion that endorse people to kill? Should it be respected?

This is where I said I am not being superior, in fact I feel inferior. I would say I have a double standard. I would say that this religion must delete the part of discriminating non-believer or it should go away. In other words, I'm glad that the law should be enforced in a secular way as possible.

My stance of being double standard because I have a firm standard that every people deserve to live their lives and every people's right is limited to other's right.

All in all, this is my view. People should be respected of whatever their view. People should also take responsibility of respecting other's view. Above them all, no human should be stripped from his/her civil rights.

I know this life is not going to stop here. As we friction each other, there would be times of conflicts. I hope on each of those times we learn each other and balance things up. Deep down also I have fear. A fear of tainting my belief that would made my God disfavor me. Who would not tremble in mind if your belief is being confronted with the opposite?

Openness takes time.

Vindicating

2012-01-16T13:52:00.000+07:00

To be a bad person is like taking drugs. At first you feel a terrible guilt. Then, as you savor, it becoming a trench. You hide yourself deep. So deep that you are not you anymore. After days gone, you wish to see the sun again.

To be a good person is like having detoxification. Your body would reject and you would have a shiver around your bone. Depending on how bad you have fallen, the body would leave permanent scars of previous sins.

Just like when you have in the dark for too long. You feel the blinding light would stab you like a thousand needles. Then, as the time passes, it covers your skin and give warmth.

Excuses

2012-01-13T07:45:00.000+07:00

I give different excuses for different person because I extrapolate my actions and decisions based on those excuses.

Why not tell them all the reasons?

Not all people understand what it means to be an idealist. Not all people would think complicated things. Not all people try to understand what's best. And simply because none of them could have a helicopter view of my life.

While taking advices from other is important, missing your own dream is kind of wasted. Advices are there to give feedbacks on how I will extrapolate my decision, but not as a way to design my life. Nope, this life is mine and I have my time to define what is good for me.

Everybody have experiences. That's why every now and then we listen to our parents and seniors. To not listen also is a dumb decision. But, to cling to them is a problem in itself.

We knew already that littering could cause flood. The waste could intoxicate the land. And for some, the waste could host many illness. Yet, still I see people dropping them with no consent.

Listening to people that let go their dreams is hazardous. They would infect us with mind of letting go the struggle and choose the easy path. A path where we have our lives to have a soulless life.

They say you would be safe there.

But, I keep asking myself, "have you ever heard people without problems?"

And the answer is always, "nope."

If living an easy path also have thorny path, why don't I struggle with my dreams instead?

No need for meticulous answer. I could sense that everyone is afraid of what we do would affect our future. That's true, I have that point in life when I asked myself of what have I done. Then, I realize that I have made a great deal; things that I could brag.

I believe my life is ridding on Land Rover. I believe the car could done heavy duty task. I believe my car was created for an adventure. And I'm driving it off road.

I'm not a fool, though. I have prepare all the necessity. I have wear knee armor. I have consult about the terrain ahead.

And when everything seems frightening, I believe God, my Sponsor, is watching me closely.

JP Word Of Wisdom

2012-01-05T13:38:00.001+07:00

Orang yang taro gelar S1 dan S2 di namanya gak berhak ngomong kampungan ke orang lain.

My Prayer 2012 (Christian)

2012-01-03T01:59:00.000+07:00

A space journey would take eons of light years. Yet, I'm getting old when I am forgetting my aim. Let's keep forward for that destination and never held back, my soul!

I am on a journey to my grave. Still, I'll keep this world painted when I'm still around. Washed by history, yet carved into the heart of some people. I wish a cherished live in that I could say: "I've enough."

Please help me, Jesus, for I have so many naught. This life that should be a dedication to You still be living in errors. Having a weak mind with once a broken soul. This once shattered heart healed because of You. Yet, I am still bound to this flesh.

Let me love, let me feel. Let me smile, let me go. Lord, I love You in this liberal mind. Help me so that I could understand the beauty of You. Not as a scholar nor as a subject, but as a beloved son that you've rescued from the mud.

My frail mind was tempted to be gone astray as others. Chasing bucks of money without ever have to use it. Swindled by capitalism and greed. Enticed by the widow, consumerism.

I know, Lord, statistically speaking these kind of temptations would end me up like others as losers trying to chase my missing years. Searching for something that was traded out of my soul.

Yet, the world is cave in around me. Strangle me with higher inflation. Strangle me with worries. Choke me with fallacies of what if scenarios.

Lord, I'm being tempted to have my own equation of Markov Chain. I am being tempted to make my own P. Help me to rely on your equation. For I know that even if I have IEEE friction, I'd still lose some accuracies.

Lord, I don't know what's wrong with the world. Why the price goes up? Why do we need cars? Why do we need gadgets? Why do we need those fancy pants?

I have no idea of that. I was totally okay with my life. The sky is my roof and earth is my shelter. It was like that. Why would I become others?

Lord, my prayer to You is for me to not gone astray. Chasing my own star not others.

Oh, btw, thanks for my life. Forgive me.

-- A prayer, prelude for 2012.

Battleship Yamato On My 2 Cents

2011-12-22T09:10:00.002+07:00

There is a thread on IMDb indicating that this movie is deluding history. The thread starter was questioning "symbol of fascism" that changed into the "symbol of hope" for humankind. History tells that Yamato is a flagship of Japanese empire.

I am not that into Yamato. I am a Macross generation. So, I do think that I would say this from an outsider not a fan. Also, I am not trying to bash the person but just trying to analyze what's the meaning of Yamato.

A history lesson in my senior high hinted me of what kind of happens. Meiji Restoration was triggered by a humongous naval ship made of steel landed on Japan. The fleet led by Commodore Perry was causing chaos unto the heart of many Japanese people. It began the industrialization of Japan and her modern heart.

Still, the heart still beating fast for the people of Japan at that time. They decided to build a flagship that big enough to counter the Western. They want to be save from that black ship that shook the heart of many men and women.

That's why Yamato became the hope of many Japanese at that time. Their pride of a nation. Waking up from the ashamed state because of America forcing them to submit a trade treaty.

With that feeling of hope. They modernized that into the pride of humankind who was invaded by Gamilas.

New Year Resolution Being Questioned

2011-12-16T12:41:00.002+07:00

I have put a new year resolution candidate in my Facebook account. My resolution is to have better understanding about person that having unstable heart [is it the best translation of "menggalau"?]. This might be a joke to some of us, but this is actually important for me.

Many of my friends have this state of mind. Some of us might think, "ugh, isn't it obvious, they were weak!" But, I don't like that kind of argument. Judging people without seeing the cause of it is the reason of wars and perils.

Things aren't as is. There are some chain reactions towards that behavior. And failed to understand the root cause, we might end up making prejudice.

For a (self-proclaimed) scientist such as myself, jumping into conclusion is totally for idiots. So, I must take my part to understand what is wrong with them in order to understand them. I hope, even if we can't cure them, we have an antidote so that their negative-ruining-life emotion won't affect us.

But, really, the real reason is because we should care. The guilt would suffer you and you would thought, "gah! I should have been doing this...." A slap on the face came to me recently. One of my friend had really hard times and now the person is in RSCM having for medication. Hopefully, the person can gain his footing again.

Like many computer literate people, I have little ability of understanding people. But, what I think the media they listen and watch is something that made them vulnerable. You know, songs with cheating on each other, lies, and emo themes. They make many people weak and instead of accepting their lives, it suggested that they would not get into it.

You see, these songs might think that they trying to relate people with their thought. Yes, they either perfectly related or can be synced with one's life. But, they don't put any resolution with their songs. So, the song only making people related, but it just there to justify the hatred and the sadness without ever going further to take any action to walk through the pain.

While the music industry would not take responsibility and only take the money without moral conscience, I think we would see more people would fallen hard.

I used to suggest people to change their music preferences. Songs like a whisper into the subconscious. It is a double edge sword. It can also put you into uplifting life. It could dumb you down. But, I guess I'm not that good convincing. They don't really into my words, even if I said it was based on scientific articles like how Country music influence suicide.

But, even if there is a good writing about it. People won't buy it. I guess when you are in the field of feeling, scientific norms are being ignored. It becomes false.

I think I need to learn to have better suggestion. Because rational is an irrational thing to be suggested to people with "menggalau" mode. They won't check my suggestion that forgiving is the way to go to let go. People would not google it up at least. They won't even bother to ask where the article where I would gladly give if they have ever asked.

I wish I could understand being irrational. Is it like solving NP-Complete problem?

Duty and Engagement

2011-12-14T12:05:00.001+07:00

A new case arise on Indonesia today. It's about a girl who got kicked in her face by a security personal in an apartment. She was imitating Suster Ngesot, an Indonesian version of nurse ghost. The apartment management has released CCTV footage about what happened.

IMHO, the security is not wrong here. It's his job to secure people. From what I saw in CCTV, he backed the people on the elevator. He move forward as other people were shocked behind. He did his job to protect.

Now, is it hard to tell the security personal about doing a plan?

As far as my experience, every security personal, especially one in a large apartment would love to cooperate. They don't mind if we would like to do anything as far as it doesn't hurt. There might be a case of they would refuse, but that's rare especially when the reason was to have a surprise party.

Now, the poor security personal only did his job. But, the parent of that poor girl was furious and sued the poor guy. If my opinion matters, I say that he is innocent. What happened was an accident caused by an uncoordinated joke. So, lesson learned.

Let's move on.

Btw, this is a post inspired by a post from Narpati.

Grandeur Illusion Wrapped Up With Nice Ad

2011-12-06T06:57:00.000+07:00

I am not an American, but I couldn't help myself to comment about this ad. Newt Gingrich, a person who wants to run election in presidential battle 2012, made an interesting ad. It is interesting to comment. I really not care about the person, but the message and the fact that this video is promoted in Youtube as the new hot video, itching my hands to get the keyboard.

The first ignorance he deduce from his ad is the level of his believe of what America that they once knew. What kind America is that?

America that supports child labor for having better products? (*cough* sport shoe *cough*)
America that bombs other nations so that they could have gasoline cheaper than mineral water?
America that supports tyrannic leaders just to have their ways?

I am sorry to write those up. I know that our economy, Indonesia, would go nowhere without America imported them. I would not be a computer scientist without their innovation in computer. I am one of the other people in the world that grateful America exists.

But, other people would remember America as those nasty things. The people of America might be living on the dream by stepping on some orphans and widow. Many black ops creating disturbance in the heart of weak people.

Weak people with weak heart have destructive force. They could do anything. They would do anything. And nothing would stop them to achieve their dreams. They are poor, jobless and hurt.

If you have nothing, what else do you want? If you are robbed from your existence, what else would you care? What else we want if our life is meaningless?

Some crap by an author wrote that we are mere coincidence. All happens biologically and physically. Even if that's the truth, which debatable, people basically believe in the world full of meaning. God is one of the big meaning.

Taking God into his speech arsenal, a twisted leader with his agenda could move many poor souls to take the damned road. Thus, hate.

So, basically, America that wants to have their peaceful life like the olden days, is a mere delusion if they don't do anything about the hate tag put on them.

No corporation nor human would able to control the world. Chinese history should give a simulation how Kings failed to rule because of their lack of kindness for the people. There would be another attempts rising up for change. No matter what that have been tried to reduce the possible way of doing so.

America should take the initiative and apologize to the rest of the world. Try to send emissaries to many part of the world and talk with them on equal foot. Try to support people of different faith. Build a bridge to close the gap from misunderstanding.

And one thing for sure, this would take years to achieve. That's because the hatred is run deep and the misunderstanding has become faith. But, peaceful life is not that impossible.

They say a world without a war is impossible. That's what they say about men could not fly. It's just need a greater courage and will to bend that dream into reality. And many people with great mind take their life to think about it.

XO

2011-12-05T14:26:00.001+07:00

Magneto's Bride

If Magneto could ever let alone to have a married life, would he stop hating human?
----

When my church friends asked for charity, they teased me, "Jep, donate and we will be praying for you to have wonderful bride."

Err... do I that desperate for marriage?

I know they did silly things to tease me. I don't mind their joke, actually. In fact, why would I bother to write this?

Simple, so that I could update this blog. :))

[DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A HARSH JOKE! JOKE! NOT TO BE TAKING SERIOUSLY. OH, BTW, IT'S CALLED SATIRE]

Talk about marriage, there are reasons for people taking it.

The Parents

Parents desperately want their children have marriages. Even if they told you they won't force you, their behavior indicates otherwise. They don't realize it, but you do. You wish you could say, "stop it!" But, it would made you an asshole and besides,

may be they were right...

At first, they would come with soap drama with you. Asking about your relationship with someone special. If you have a long answer of no, they would asked your family for help. Then, suddenly your families started introducing opposite sexes.

It seems the only escape for you is to have higher education as an excuse to prolong your peaceful life....

The Country

Rome took the fall because their natives refused to be soldiers. Romans just took the Frank and all the mercenaries as their soldiers. It wasn't long until the mercenaries having their feet and began to sink their teeth against the employer.

When in World War II, America also crafting a mechanism to have their citizen brought good healthy children. They needed that to have supplies for their on going war. They would made a propaganda about it.

Today we have war in economics and the battle is not country anymore but corporates. There is nothing more cumbersome than an extra package. If we would like to survive, we should reinforce our wealth not made it depleted into an investment who knows if they would payback at you.

Gah! What a twisted mind... I believe we still loving our parents, don't we? And we would never forget them, aren't we?

The Tradition

To preserve strong Asian tradition, at least that what was coming from Lee Kuan Yew. First and foremost, I'm not Singaporean. But, to preserve my own culture is next to impossible. I was born in Jakarta. All my well-known relatives in my parent's land is gone.

Last time I checked, I was not very welcomed there. They didn't greet me like they used to. There are unfamiliar faces and many minta-digeplak (no-manner?) teenagers. The Batak tradition is on its brink of extinction. I know that much, sadly, because I saw men hanging around on local shops while their spouse on the field.

In my memory of what my father taught me, Batak men should never let their women have difficult times. Batak men should take pride and take any means necessary to have their children having higher education.

I notice that I was the 18th decendant of Rajagukguk, while the other names only have 15th decendant. It means I have a strong line of fertile man. This is a great sign for easily having birth.

Can I use it to postpone the marriage? I mean, maybe in my late 30s I could have my spouse. :)

OMG, this is beginning like the prologue in Idiocracy.... Scary!

The Religion

Many people would state the Genesis as a basis to drive people into marriage. The first command of God is to tell human to have kids and prosper. It seems there is this "religious" image for having offspring.

But, why those Catholic priests aren't married?

Well, I could use that excuse, but unfortunately, I am a revised of revised Catholic dogma a.k.a. the Pentecost. We can have our priest get married. So, my brethren would toss that argument away.

Fortunately, I figured a writing by Paul that talking about "when someone is not strong enough, just get married..." or something like that. Didn't it indicate that at that time people would prefer not married?

He is quite romantic, that Paul. I remember that Paul said that a member of Christian senates should not have more that one wife. And all the talk he wrote always talking about how spouses should honor each other; how father should honor his children and vice versa.

I think I should not use his writing. They full of family values. I must like a lawyer, escaping parts of law that would trap my client, khu.. khu... khu.... >:)

Conclusion

Hmmm... all the things I would assess about marriage it seems rather indicating that I'm afraid of marriage.

Well, I am a proud Bataknese and I have no fear!*

Bring it on! *ngumpet di pojokan...*

Even if I'm from a clan that seems having "Suami-suami Takut Istri" syndrome, I don't think I would like that. I could stand on my point. *Gulp*

Anyway, I think the only best solution for handling the pressure of answering when we will get married is:

Coming soon.

Still effective than throwing those lengthy argument. :)

(*) Except for heights, death and anything else. Premium rate applied.
(**) XO means eXtraordinary Other, a light whom becomes your sheath. The one that could break your twisted mind of having lonely life is okayish.

A Thousand Suns, A Mature Original Rock

2011-11-21T12:25:00.001+07:00

I was like everyone else, still lingering to the old Hybrid Theory. And over the years of mixing the same old material, I have lost interest to Linkin Park. So, like everyone else, this album was missed by me because of the dubious of previous albums.

I wasn't aware of their coming to Indonesia this year. But, with two Transformer movies using them as soundtracks, I think there was something going on in their music. Btw, I love Björk and alike music and there are so many samples in this album that resound like that music. Wow!

Btw, what urge me to buy the album was because of "Waiting for the end". I watched it in Youtube and I felt that it wasn't enough for me to just play it in Youtube over and over. Of course, there are other songs that affect me like "The Catalyst".

I was surprised that the album cover is like being photocopied. I guess the Warner Music Indonesia hologram in the cover is the only prove that I have a real album. I mean, wow, I thought I have been scammed. But, I think I know why it was like that. And, after googling around, here's the reason.

The album begins with "The Requiem", a song sampled with voice of J. Robert Oppenheimer's commentary after witnessing the first atomic bomb in Mexico. A fragment from his commentary that not mentioned in the album thus becoming this album's name.

I can only say well done, Linkin Park!

If you are an avid rock listener, btw I am not, you would see that rock used to be a genre of protest. It would protested against many aspects of life. It would protested against the capitalism, the government, the way people ordering other people around and other things.

That's why the music would filled with annoyance, anger, anarchy and sometimes escalating into satanic. They were trying to rebel against the way the world now and demanding a revolution. It was there.

Here in Indonesia, rock band like Godbless, charismatic singer like Iwan Fals, and so on brought their songs with empiric messages of protesting the government with rock spirit. That was what make classic rock so beautifully crafted. Sadly, those sounds are gone with mere cheating GF/BF or just self-pitied or just any useless babbling to make the album seems rock.

This album's song is not 'pure rock', but the message is clear: about war, faith and humanity. And I think, what the message is about what the original rock was about. This album is talking about the sense of danger of modern warfare could become.

The war would destroy us. Not of the atomic bombs. But, it would destroy all of our ideology. It would made us rethink of God. Either we would becoming more obsessed with God, or the worst, we lose our faith.

We would becoming so patriotic chauvinistic that we would blindly go into the war and killing people. We would love to do that without ever considering that we are humans. Pride would wipe away the prosperity, understanding and compassion.

And how about humanity? Will there a place of that in war?

I could go on and on about what I love about their music. But, here's my review: if you just love to hear music without knowing the meaning about it, this album definitely not for you. Just listen to other pop or cheesy or formulaic songs.

What's so special about the album is that I think it can't be played only based on tracks. It should be played from the first song to the last song consecutively. Or else, we would lose the meaning of the song.

I love this album.

Btw, because of the content, I think I could perceive why the album is like a photocopied leaflets. Well, this is the propaganda by Linkin Park: there is this a movement going on where widows and orphans created. That movement is war and we got to stop it.

The song itself is a rebel against injustice and hates. Back to our ways of life to be civilized and peaceful where people rights are permitted. That's what rock music all about. Good album.

A Less Dream Is A Big Dream

2011-11-14T18:28:00.001+07:00

A man should dream, said the world.

Then, can I dream a simple life?

No. That's a terrible way of life.

Why?

...

Thus, A Toddler Story

When I have the ability to achieve a dream, I often go the other route. I thought at first because I love challenge and getting challenged. I thought it was because I love to hurt myself. Or, something about the others toy are more interesting.

Why is it like this?

A Toddler Riddle

When is it the time when I was change into a toddler who would love to grab other toddler's play? Especially, when the other toddler enjoying his play. I would want that toy more badly than ever. Even if the adult have decided to give two identical toys to each of us, I want his!

Chasing other toddler's toy is somewhat becoming bogus and dull. I keep the hardship to give pain and sadness to have that toy. I show him who's the boss! We struggle until I came out as a victor.

Sadly, when I get my hands on it, I lost interest in that toy. I tried to have the play copied from him. I tried to fantasize the same theme. Why aren't this vision with me? Why don't they get smiled back at me?

Why would the toy lost its worth?

When I see him playing that toy, he seemed smiles. He was having fun. He was ... there playing and laughing.

I tried to turn his toy back. But, his eye already lost its color. He don't want it anymore.

Ugh, why? Why won't you play again? Show me! Show me how the best way to play it. One moment ago you seemed have fun about it.

I, the worst toddler in the world. Wished to repent. Wished for my past to change. But, that toddler already disappointed. That toddler already weeping....

I understand now. What I want is that boy's smile on my face, the excitement he got from the toy, the laugh of life.

The toy, it wasn't there to give the fun. It was made to stimulate my mind. To be able to smile about it. To fantasize about crazy fun stuff. I am Upin and Ipin of my world.

But, now, it's only a regret...

The Green Grass, The Kite and The Sun

Once upon a time, I have a kite. I was on a prairie with wind and

I run with the kite and gave the string away as it flew into the sky. I could felt the smile on my face. A chuckle then followed with laughter. What was that ticklish feeling on my head? Felt like I was the best.

Look, I could watched the vast blue sky and the clouds. The fluffy white cloud. My kite was there soaring. I was the captain of the sky.

Woaaahh... what a beautiful scene. I was seeing something that I have never seen before. I watched beautiful formation of birds flew to the sun. I watched the rocket flew into the moon. And I bathed at the beautiful sunset.

Wow, I never knew the world was this beautiful. I wanted to play with my kite again tomorrow and the days after. Yeah, that sounded great!

"Whoa, baby, where have you gone. We've been looking for you...."

Eh, what? A sound of an adult.

"You should stop playing in here. These are dirt. Look at you." The adult raised an eyebrow.

She gently embraced me. I watched her face. She looked panic. Her eyes were ready to shower with tears. She needed to be cheered.

Ah, I know, let me show her the fun. Here, take my kite.

"Stop it! Let go of the string. You mustn't play with this." Said the adult. She forcefully ungrab my hand from the string and the kite.

I want to weep, but I must be strong. That adult was there to find me. I needed to poo-poo. My stomach was longing to eat. I didn't want to get punished.

Sleepy....

The Toy'R'Us

"Hello beautiful babies, rise and shine!"

The gentle voice woke me up. I was in a playing ground with many toddlers. We had so many toys around us. The wall was full of cute things. The adults watched over us.

We can be ourselves. We can get the things we like. We don't have to feel hurt. There are plenty of toys here. A bubble gun with non-irritating bubble. It was made with safety for us, toddler. I first played with it.

The room was vast, the toy were much. I was having fun with it.

I gazed and found out that the ceiling were full of beautiful things as always.

Hey, Sun.

Hey, Cloud.

Hey, birds.

But, why aren't you shine, Sun? Clouds, why aren't you moving? Why the bird is still there?

Then, the day after tomorrow, I still asked and they weren't moving. The day after... and after... and after.... they only stood there. I realized the bird's wings wasn't moving.

What was wrong with them? Why were they becoming silence? Why won't they answer my question?

What is this place?

"Baby, why won't you play?" Another adult came to me. She seemed worried about me.

"Here, choose what you like. There, this toy can...." I could no longer heard what she said. As I closed my eyes, my thought was slipping out from my body.

I was in the field of the other days before. I could hear the bird sang. I was on my kite, flew through the fluffy clouds. The birds were tailing me. They follow me as we flew through the sky.

I could watched the meadow. It was painted with beautiful green. So this is how it supposed to? Wow, I can feel the warmth of the sun. All day we play.

The birds flew away to the sunset. As they elegantly flew, they waived their wings; saying goodbye to me.

I smiled, and waved my hand too.

"Goodbye birds, see you tomorrow."

The birds quacking as if they wanted to tell me their affirmation.

A drop of tear falling from one of my eye....

As I woke up from that, my eyes stopped glowing. I found myself in a place where I should play. A place where I should have fun. A place where I must select toys that 'fun'.

A place where dirty kite have no place.

2011-10-25T18:28:00.001+07:00

The most missed button in life.

A Useless Pray

2011-10-20T22:08:00.000+07:00

On a twilight an angel pray on her knees told God, asking why she as she is. I am not hot. I am not that interesting. I don't have nothing.

All these years, the angel only lived on a twilight. It was an infinite room of people glowing. So often she swayed by the golden dim of others that she beginning to cling into them.

I wish for that angel to tell her that she already glow beautifully.

Hi, angel, do you hear me?

Not a slender body nor a finest Spain guitar.
Not a A, B, C, nor D.
Not smart nor clumsy.
Not independent nor helpless.

It's just you.

THE BYSTANDER EFFECT

2011-10-19T13:06:00.000+07:00

I won't link you to the original problem of this post. The toddler incident in China is very disturbing even for me. Some of you might have known the issue some aren't. But, let me remind you that it was not for the weak heart.

Jakarta also has its own problem. We are instructed by government not to give anything to any beggar. This act of mercy is punishable by law.

The government argue that this is to reduce people who choose to beg instead of working honestly. There is a significant increase of beggar in Jakarta. The pay is better than that you work as a worker farmer.

But, this half-baked decision lead into another problem. Each day people are getting cruel. One day at a time one of their hearts beginning to cease. One day at a time, they are forced to see this kind of injustice as something usual.

Each day, human relations wither. Unnoticed. Until one day we beginning to feel that there is something missing in our lives. Rampaging to get through from this indescribable mourn. Since when did we becoming alone in this millions of people?

Sad. This is sad, indeed. Modern people learn how to be a leader among themselves. Yet, they failed to be leader of their own value; a human being.

A Demoralized Story

2011-10-18T13:34:00.003+07:00

I was going to write this on my other blog. But, then I realized this was a controversial topic. After two unfinished drafts, I've decided to write here instead.

I was interested in one of Tempo Interaktif's story about Indonesian Jews. The story is neutral. But, the last two paragraph is out of proportion. Here's what I quote

Namun, sekarang komunitas Yahudi mulai bangkit dengan berdirinya menorah raksasa dan dua sinagoge di kota Manado dan Tondano, Sulawesi Utara. Kelompok ini dipimpin oleh Rabbi Yaakov Baruch. “Kami berupaya menjadi Yahudi yang baik,” kata Rabbi Yaakov.

Menorah ini juga menjadi lambang dari Mossad (dinas rahasia luar negeri Israel).

My English translation is something like this:

But, now the Jew community have risen with the giant menorah built and two sinagoges in Manado and Tondano city, North Sulawesi. This group lead by Rabbi Yaakov Baruch. "We are doing to be a good Jew," said Rabbi Yaakov

Menorah is also the symbol of Mossad (Israeli secret service).

WTF?

This is really provocative and really made a propaganda. I resent much that this happens in a media that I respect, Tempo Interaktif.

This is like telling that the Moslem have built mosque on Papua. The mosque have star and moon. And on the next paragraph you tell your viewer that Al Qaidah have star and moon symbol also. This is like you tell that Christian people build a cross and then the next paragraph you tell that Klu Klux Klan also have a cross as their sign.

Did you want us to relate that Moslem people are on the rise because of the terrorism? Did you want us to jump into conclusion that Christians are skin head haters?

I know that journalist is there to put the whole truth. But, these are really two unrelated topics. Do you want to nurture people to have jumping conclusion? To give a sense of notion some kind of conspiration is going there?

Don't give me blatant crap like you are not purposely giving this perversion. If you want to have explain about Menorah, why don't you explain of it as a candle holder in the Jews temple. The candle was a sign of twelve tribes of Israel. And by the way, you are trying to write an Indonesian community. How on earth suddenly you relate that into another country's secret service?

If we have to ever forced to start a civil war right in the future, I'll shoot or encourage people to shoot all of the journalists first. They are the one who brought it themselves. They've provoke us. They uneducated us instead of making a message of peace.

Is Kode Etik Jurnalistik Wartawan Indonesia just a crap made from the past now?

I still believe in Tempo. I know Gunawan Muhammad have stood for diversity in our country. But, I am angry right now about this. An anger out of fear that Tempo would have stained with the purported people whom would love to write about sensational stories.

Sad.

Dad

2011-10-18T11:07:00.000+07:00

True. Dad is a man of many hard feelings and unsettled dreams too. Trying to be good in his own way.

They were raised to take the responsibillity himself. He did not want to make his children and wife cry. He'll stood the pain by himself. That's the way of how a man do, said the world. So, even though he has a broken wing and heart shattered apart, he stood the test and willing to be the best he can be.

Man should be silence and do action, said old teaching of the world. He shall not open his mouth too often. The world taught him that praising your child will made your child weak. He praise little to none. He only complains. Critics will made your child healthy, said the world. You don't want your child screwed and dependent, won't you?

We should work, our work will make our child into the best school. Best school ensures our child future. What can you give your child if you are lazy, provoked the world. All Dad wants is to have his child the best. He take the job into the night and wake up first in the morning.

Dad beat his child to discipline the child. Look, you are tough now, said the world. He beat his child so the child would be best. Oh, no, this uncontrolled beast like the devilishu spell making me mad, said him. Too late, his family already hate him.

They don't give a chance for him to change. No, even himself is not strong enough to change. He could only wish on his sober that he isn't him.Dad is a human trying to be the best of himself.

As any other human, Dad wounded from the past. People will only look at him of his role as Dad. Seldom people sees that he is a human that needs help too.

Well, some Dad ended up alone, in a shelter for broken people or toyed around by his child and grandchild. Only crying and not much he can do but wishing the time would come to take him away to his eternal slumber.

Have the child ever hugged back Dad and tell him loved him, too?

Lie

2011-10-17T13:33:00.000+07:00

Why people lie?

Why they pretend that they were at a certain point when they weren't even there yet? Don't that made people go easy on their faults and not learning from them?

I have experimented that when I told people my location, they just fine with that. When I was in a street few miles from the appointed area, there is nothing that could change a fact that I was late. Furthermore, by incorporating my point, sometimes the people themselves would make a new rendezvous location shorter.

So, why would we as a religious people sinned over such trivial matter?

Why would people lie?

Don't you ever felt those lies hurt you? Have you ever asked in the mirror who's that person? Don't you lie also to yourself? Isn't it made a heavy burden to your life? Don't you feel that you are beginning to have less choices of life. In fact, to keep your lying as consistent as possible, you are bound to tell more lies.

Tell the truth is the best outcome of life. Sometimes, when you are already in the deep hole, you wished you would be in the next life or new one. Instead, you are stuck in the hole. Facing them one by one is hard, but we got to try.

I know, I am making an irresponsible statement. So, disclaimer, yes, I have made myself as earnest as possible. Funny thing about that, even when you are earnest, people are looking suspicious about you.

I mean, come on, rationalize a bit. I have my own job and a steady income. And on several occasion I have said about the sad state of my heart (which is heartless). Why would people think I am there for the money? Why would people (usually opposite gender) think that I would do it to win their heart?

Anyway, back to the topic.

We make mistakes. That's the common thing. Sometimes we forget about that and applying to be perfect.

What's wrong with being imperfect?

It's a boring world if you have everything as expected. I mean, what's a life

worth when everything happens as expected? The game is boring and you felt that you would hit the power button and expecting having another disk. But, this game of life is the only thing we know.

To be perfect is a flaw. It sever the bonds between the perfect being with others. Made him/her alone.

Nobody's perfect, so why lie?

No Title of Love

2011-10-04T00:17:00.000+07:00

I see an alarming trend of posting something shaky mind (labil). I would like to be able to participate in the trend. But, what should I tell? I hope this is quite labil.

I am a man born from families of two worlds. My mother was born in a wealthy family. OTOH, my father was a missionary son. So, I have a glimpse of both world.

I often got invited by them to go to some restaurants. I love them, they are flamboyant. They love to dress casually, so casually that we often misunderstood as poor people. Well, I am but not them, ha... ha... ha....

There was a time in a restaurant when the waiter said something rude to us because of our clothes. I felt very insulted that crossed on my mind: "Is this the country that I need to serve and protect?"

I mean, won't you felt insulted when you were entering a restaurant and suddenly the waiter told your family, "Sir, our meal costs one million rupiah." WTH? Did he think we would blindly coming into the place without knowing the price?

At that day I almost abandoned open source and kiss good bye to maintain KAMBING. I felt very humiliated. So humiliated that I thought, why would I struggle for these stupid people that only took everything for granted. Yeah, those people whom only felt the benefit but not knowingly having those because of other is struggling for them.

I knew my mind playing tricks on me. There are people whom have superior things done that made open source great in Indonesia. I have only a tiny fraction contribution in it if compared with them.

I mean, there is Pak Ibam, my hero, whom founded TLD-ID, KAMBING and the author of IPv6 roadmap document (The long winding road). There is Iang, a magical baby whom codes like speaks (or is it the way around?). There is also Adin, whom organized all the open source activity under KAMBING and making it sustainable.

Who am I compared to them?

For me, open source is always a work of community. I even think that KAMBING is a work of a team. But, the insult was making my ego taking over me. My bigotry had possessed my mind.

In my assertion of the failure of my ego I learned something. Ego grown from the result of insecurity. This insecurity is something happened as an alarm when your existence is being endangered.

I felt insecurity because I have made my decision to walk a path that no one would take. This insecurity feeling also amplified by the feeling of a third class citizens. At that time, there were news about Christians getting abused. This insecurity feeling piled from time to time and this incident is making it worse.

Anyway, my flamboyant uncle answered, "I can order two million rupiah, can't I?"

Ha... ha... ha... He's the man! :) He knew how to handle the situation. Everyone was quieted down. I think everyone of us were struggling to not going berserk. Fortunately, it was Sunday.

And after that we were served in the table. The owner (or may be the manager?) comes from table to table and asking about how's our meal. He is so well mannered and have a good tone. I wish the waiter could be like him, the restaurant could have been perfect. His way of communication soothed my anger.

Well, I don't know what's wrong with some people in this town. But, don't a respect is a kind of thing that you would have? Especially when you are in the service business?

I mean, I don't mind if I was not accepted in a restaurant requiring formal attire. They want to maintain integrity that not having people with non-formal attire to go in. That's fine and I would gladly accept the reason. If they would politely tell that, I am fine.

I value people.

I have always put people in my serving as kings and queens. The first reason is because Christian teaching require the subjects to do so.

The second reason is the most important one.

There are people whom made a foolish decision of coming back home to Indonesia and served the country. There are people whom choosing the thorny path to make things right. There are people still dreaming of Indonesia and making it better.

These people are often shadowed by butt-licking, corrupted people. They are transient for common people. Their work credits often stolen by others with sharp tongues. As humans, they also have one common need: having a luxury of acknowledgement.

You see, I have seen these kind of people walking in and out. They were humble. They aren't pushy. They respect other people.

Unfortunately, people often abuse those respects. For instance, they would still stand in the line while people cutting them.

That's why when I served people, I paid attention to respect them. You never know that, may be, this person here that you were serving is struggling for making an economic framework for farmers, instead of using his ability for forecasting.

May be this vintage, geeky, retro middle aged person that I'm trying to serve is a person whom struggled with studying marine lives for conserving fishermen lives. Or, may be this one is really having integrity to have his/her students excel.

They were doing their works so much that they might abandoned their own needs. They might be ramming through the barrier without ever considering the burning arrows from sides.

These people, I have committed to have them comforted. I wish to provide them with the best damn quality that we could serve. That's my pride.

I know I often argued with my comrades about how things should be done because of that. Still, I will not give up easily for them.

There you have it. My positioning in life as an idealist whom supports idealists.

------

Anyway, I feel shy to write those above. I don't like to write about anything about my idealism. It feels like I am about to end the journey. This kind of writing should be there in 50 years later of my life.

How can those ababils could write their lives so easily?

Preserving [SMTH]

2011-09-25T22:23:00.001+07:00

A friend of mine tweeted that Indonesia's biggest flaw is the lack of preservation. There are two stories involve in this: The suicide bombing in Solo and a broken water park facility.

The Solo bombing should make few leaders here and there resign, if they were that respectable. But, I can see that players are playing their pieces. I can only sighting for them....

Of course if I talk about religion, you would laugh and you people would told me to screw. But, this is Indonesia. A land with many factions and people. There will be time when people have enough and revolution will come. I don't like it, you won't either. New players will emerge and we are still in the chessboard.

I hate these detours. Every time we have a big case, there would be another case rising to cover the old one. And this is kind of lame. Just like a medicine; every time you put the dose, the effectiveness is getting down. Until the day we are resistant. Hopefully, we are infected by Slank virus at the time.... :P

Why would you let hate resides?

I mean, I don't mind about the teaching of some Moslem that were told that the Bible we have is compromised. That's their privilege to believe that. What I mind is the hate that placed deep down in consciousness of some people. What is your goal with making them as hate dolls?

Are you really the people of God (whom said having abundant mercy) or are you a businessmen using religion?

When I heard about Atlantis broken down, I remembered about Sim Park. There would be building inspections every few months. They also have standard about safety. We can't build something that not passing that security level.

Unfortunately, theme park in Indonesia is a rare. Plus, we don't have building inspector that have that kind of integrity. Well, hey, to all of you in the building inspector, how is it feel to have responsibility of people losing lives?

Or you have already lost your soul for fortune?

Yeah, I love pointing finger. That is my weakness. That's why I only write this blog post so that I can manage to release my anger.

I know life is not fair. I have a decent life. I wish others will have the right to live also.

Question of Life 2: Free Will VS. Predestination

2011-09-21T12:40:00.000+07:00

One of many favorite question of life is the question about "where is God when [INSERT BAD THING HAPPENS HERE]". C.S. Lewis made an interesting view from his faith as a Christian in "Problem of Pain". I recommend to have the book in English, though. The Indonesian version is quite jigsawed.

The topic about bad things led people into believing few: some become skeptic, some seek asylum and some deny thinking. All with one pattern, trying to escape from the confusion. We desperately need to answer this to have a soothing lives.

I myself trying to answer this within my own knowledge. Note that I based my approach from my Christian view, which may differ than you are. I don't want to be a smart ass nor becoming like those philosophers that don't touch the earth anymore. But, I think the question needs to be answered so that we can go on with our lives and maximize them.

Unfortunately, not many people like to discuss this topic. I found people in university's Christian community have this part discussed. Officially, they took the stance of predetermination. Unfortunately, I don't accept predestination doctrine.

Disagreement In Predestination

To me, predetermination is flawed.

First, this is like God is creating some humans as a food for hell. They are from the very beginning were chosen as unsaved. This contradicts the dogma that God is just. In what sense of justice in a way that some people already condemned? Don't this makes God aren't just to all people?

Second, why would people give up on their sins when they realized that they are predestined as hell's fuel? This doctrine mildly suggesting that sinners will still be sinner. Thus, this will gives some 'holy' people a thinking that some people don't deserve forgiveness. Those person are better left of on the dark. This is discrimination!

Third, if God predestined everything, then God is a terrible liar. God does not feel the suffering of human. God already knew what's what and everything is artificial. All of these things written on Bible is God's fabrication. All things that God had felt that was written was actually acts.

Well, that's unacceptable for me.

For all that I can tell, Christian deity is a God that loves human. Meaning, God have feeling. This religion puts God into the personal touch. The word "Abba father", "friend of God" and even "God's eye" are there to notify Christians that their deity is a close personal deity.

Again, please note that what we believe about deity is something personal. That's why I always said "for me" clause.

For some way of lives, there are people whom accept deities that are terrible demons that wants to devour us. We worship this deity so that we are left untouched. The religion of Norse also have their motivation of worshiping is to join Great Battle with deities. The common is some also have belief in their deity as a supreme being.

So, if you believe that God just playing with our lives and we are merely a toy, I totally say that I don't mind. It's just your way to accept things. I myself choose a thinking more acceptable for me; that thinking is we have free will.

Some argue that doctrine of free will is a sign of God's weakness. If this world is free will, then God have no control of the world. That means, God is not that almighty. God may have limitation.

In this point, I can only remember a classical question: "Can God creates a rock that can't be lifted even by Him?"

In this question, I have enlightenment of how things work for free will. I found out that what if God choose not to? Just like God decide that bad people can't go to heaven, even technically speaking it is possible to do so. So, the rock can't be lifted if God choose not to lift the rock.

Deviation Is In The Book

I think God is like a chess player. He creates uncounted paths of life that we can choose. He gives us freedom to select one of those. Every single path is down with consequences that related to other path also. In these paths, humans are intertwined and compromising each other.

Then there is this question of life, why God let people do bad act? Why God also provide the option of people to do bad things? Why don't He stops us?

According to the book of Genesis, human were made as the image of God. The very first human was tasked as rulers and gardeners of the world. They were there as a subdeity, the representatives of God. It even mentioned that God and humans were best friends and able to talk straightly.

There are parts when human were strangely asked by the Almighty God. First, He asked Adam and Eve about why they are naked and who told them that they were naked. Second, Cain was asked about his brother. These two questions were asked as if God is not knowing of what happened.

I find this as a notion of God letting human select their choice of life. If people want to have sin, God would permit it. This because we are the creation that God choose not to interfere too much. He let it slide with consequences because He has provided us with those options.

But then again, I think when people said that God is evil because of those options, then think again. According to the Bible, it is God intention that all human saved. This means that originally God wants us to be saved. But, He respects our liberty.

This is like a dad who wishes his child to be a doctor. But, the child was not into it. The child wants to be a musician. Musician starts as a street performer and with rough life. Only few of them that can be successful. Many parents would against it and dictate their child to choose another dream.

From my experience, many of people that have their dreams shattered have regrets in life. Like a person I knew, he was aspired to be a writer. But, he was told that his dream could led him into harsh world. So, he chose another job. Unfortunately, he's still thinking about it.

Regrets are there in every human that have chosen the road that strayed from one's dream. This feeling left a lingering feeling of needing to find something better than the current life. As a father, God understands this well. So, He let His sons and daughter choose the profession they would like.

I think it is something more majestic than that:

God creates countless opportunity to let His children choose what they want to have. This privilege would let the children then develop their skill accordingly. Of course, every profession that we choose comes with its trait. Every trait have consequences!

Sin Is A Deviation of Straight Line

In this I found something magnificent of life.

The definition of sin is a word derived from "hamartia", deflected from original target. From Christianic view, the very first hamartia is when Adam and Eve chose to eat the fruit of Knowledge of Right and Wrong [PS: it was not an apple].

Originally, according to the book of Genesis, human were meant to be God's executives to manage Eden. Then something happened. Human

I remember vaguely of when I was in school. My drawing teacher was teaching us about architecture. She tasked us to draw a house using American style. We were tasked to create 6 boxes. Each box was a viewport from different angle. We need that to draw our design from those six angle. (Autocad was not viable at that time, so we were using drawing technique of the past architect)

My problem at that time was my ruler was too short. I have to draw several lines using that ruler. To draw it, I had to put one point in the beginning and one point at the end. I used those points as guiding points.

At first, I thought I was alright. Then, I realized that I have deviated about one degree from the original line. After more than 30cm, the line didn't meet the other point. And the deviation was very significant (about few centimeters). I have to redo the drawing.

A sin may only deviates a degree or two from the original plan. It can be safely ignored at first because the life line we draw is still feels straight. After the long shot, we then realize that we have gone astray.

That is sin. The deviation of making our live miserable... on the long run.

Lines Intertwined and Clashed

A skeptic showed an image of a child in Africa. The person mocked with a question about God's justice. Where was that Just and Almighty God?

All that I can think of is that every human draw their lines accordingly. In a perfect world, each line would parallel each other. They mixed well. But, then again, this "hamartia" making a person draw a line that cross each other. In this situation, the line intertwined and clashed.

Why there is this child suffer in Africa?

Africa was made into slavery decades ago. Their power was down into dumb one. I mean if you look into history, Egypt, Ethiopia, Timbuktu and the rest from Africa, they were once dominant on science.

Now, the slavery led the continent into its downfall. In its downfall, rose people with little educations and formed tribes. Then, these tribes were in hate each other and went war each other. Then, the worst came. They had access to modern weaponry.

That's Africa. In Indonesia, the problem is also the same. Few percent of the population that can have luxury lives. In hundreds of millions Indonesians, only few percents are the richest, only few percents are in the higher educations and only few percents are able to govern.

We all know that this happens because Indonesia have a high rate of corruptions. Many resources were for the central government. This leaves many area far from the central suffer from undeveloped areas. Thus, we are left with significant gap between the central area and the borders.

Those kind of global sins affect the live of people. These sins are corporal. These sins making the suffering of other humans. And in the end, affect the human that done it.

More About The Clash

One more sin is about mistreating people. I like to show you one of the sin's property: avalanche effect. Let's try to talk about transportation.

When people was mistreated, the person would became more selfish. This selfishness led into the action of having something for him/herself. This selfishness made its way into the subconscious of that person because they were repeatedly added by events. Without even the person realized, it has rooted deeply.

Originally, the person was working diligently. Then, the person saw opportunities. One mistake after another. His/her works affected the others and then they began to do the same. At first, they were lobbied by contractors. After a while (few years), it became a habit. Eventually, it became the norm for projects.

The money for lobbying wasn't that big. During times, the cost went high and the contractors were puzzled. In order to have great income, they lower down the quality of the road. Public transportation were dumb down. The inspectors were silenced.

The degraded public transportation and the road made many people wished to have their own car. People are all in the rush for making more money. They wished for it. Worst, few successful people, TV ads and cultural shocks made people no longer wish but obsessed by it.

Then, we evolve to do anything but alive. We long to have money. This objective change the way we think and we start to have things that discouraged before. Hence, the sin multiplied.

This lead into high tension in urban lives. Most of urban spent their lives on transportation. Waiting to move and inhaling bad air. Their tension become so high that they didn't realize. Sometimes, they have lost their mind and went crazy.

To put this tension away, some fathers often slap their children or abuse his wife (vice versa). Some thrust their lives at night lives with alcohol and such. Some thrust their lives into sport activities. All of them searching for escapist alternatives. And the new hurt born and amplified.

And when we realize the awfulness of the city, we are left with bitter options. We could throw all of the old public transportation (Organda) and start anew and making thousands people lost their job. We could throw all public officials and recruit fresh one with the risk of riot. And many with implication of stepping others. Thus, the fixing is almost impossible.

See, one unknown man from an unknown public office making a decision that in the end involving us. That's the line that cross the boundaries. It invade other and other invade other and other and others....

In The End It's All About Us

Well, when a child was on the verge of death because of starvation. It was because of accumulated sin. That's why God doesn't like sin. It hurts people.

This is why the religion were originally invented. To give enlightenment to people about life. About what's what and what should be treasured. It's not about doing things. But, to do things with a philosophical trait in mind.

Every single act should be considered. Every decision should be think over. Every strayed path should be redeemed.

And that's our decision which God already provided. Either we take the good one or give ourselves to restless painful walk. We have a choice.

This is why I said to have free will doctrine is come in handy. With that in mind, we can have the thought of fighting over temptation. We can overcome fear of the tomorrow. We can see ourselves as greater being than just mere a doll. (hey, we are the image of God)

We can choose happiness. We can choose to share that happiness to others.

Question of Life

2011-09-18T08:29:00.001+07:00

A cousin of my friend was asking me about life, the meaning of life for me. The goal of life. And my expected achievement of life.

It seemed he was bugged when I answered about my profession, "I am just a regular administration worker at UI". He said, we are not just some regular. We have things that can be done. We have the power. Etc... etc... all the goodies of urban positivism thinking.

Then, I told him that I just want to have a happy life. And then he asked, "what is happiness means to you?" I answered, "When every day I wake up and can be thankful. That's my resolve."

He wasn't satisfied with my answer and told me that's an abstract way of answer.

What's so abstract to be able to say "Thank you, Lord, for things today?" on every day?

To be honest, I respect his way of life; of how he have determination; of how he know how to achieve his dreams; and especially of how he teach his son.

That's why, I don't want to bother him with my way of thinking. I don't like him to have enlightenment like me and suddenly be a hermit mode. Worst, he could stop dreaming. Ha... ha... ha.....

Let me tell you this, do you know what book of the Bible that I love? It is Ecclesiastes. And the strong point of it is "everything under the sun is useless". This part of Bible is so intriguing and I have favor this particular book since highschool.

Of course, this book is not for the simple minded people. People whom love to bash other people's thinking without ever have proper assertion. Forgive me, but these kind of people can't get it and may have two ways of thinking: have no expectation of life and the second is to reject the idea completely.

As a man that have been in the life and death situation, I know better that this scripture is talking about taking one's life with ambition but not attached to it. Or having a life with no ambition but not attached to that. One can take one's life as a series of unending struggle. Or one can have easy and relaxed day with nothing in mind. But, all of that just the way we spend life so that we can be thankful to God.

The diversity of the whole kind of life is just like a painting. Chaos and solemn, dark and light, suffering and happiness. All of them is the part of God's creation. Together, they made an art.

All in all, what we have is just us, our own self, our bodig. And in the end, that smile on our face is the best treasure of all.

--
PS: I would love to write more, about the psychological view etc. but I think many would miss my read for tl;dr. :P

Are We Through It Yet?

2011-09-12T18:15:00.001+07:00

It has been 10 years since the twin towers collapsed. The shadow still haunt us. The pain is still there.

I wish the world would learn to let go of the past and try to reach each other. I know it's a stupid wish. But, something stupid drives innovation. May it also drives peace.

WTH?

2011-09-04T07:32:00.002+07:00

I am very disappointed by the government on a particular thing. They give remission to corruptors.

What?

I don't care about the injustice, because non of it was there when they were punished. They weren't punished severedly. They only got average of 5 years sentence. Their wealth not even got taken from them.

What justice is there when they robbed Indonesia and then they got light execution? So light that even a remission could get them free.

Democrat is on my least vote candidate! I'll vote other or I rather not vote at all.

I am very disappointed. I am sorry that I voted SBY. I wish I wasn't. I thought he was great back there by selecting Budiono.

;((

The Media Isn't Always Right

2011-09-01T21:19:00.001+07:00

I was just blogwalking and found out about my friend infuriated by the comment of an UNICEF about Indonesia. According to my other friend's comment, the information about Indonesia is being talked as a poor country. Hmm... this is a great topic as a blog post.

Yes, Indonesia is a pitiful country. Many non-mainlands are not being well-maintained, especially those that in borderline. As a matter of fact, almost all of the infrastructures were built during East Indian colonial time. For example, the gas pipe in Palembang and Jakarta railroad.

We too have issues of decision makers are filled with selfish people that would only get their own communities. This resulting in many unbalanced development building, minorities bullying, and so on. The injustice are very distinctive that few areas are beginning questioning their loyalty to the republic.

What interesting enough is, our people are of great people. Many would made innitiatives without authority's backing up. Many would never give up and give their best. As an entrepreneur once said, "Indonesia without its government is still alive and breathing. All the government should do is not making silly decisions."

This proved during 2008 financial recession.

As the world collapsed, including the Europeans, Indonesia still rocking hard. We don't get the impact. Look at Greece, now Portugal, and soon other EU country. Indonesia right now is the new Asia's golden child.

Indonesia have great gap between upper class and lower class, although there is an increasing lifestyle in the middle class. And the best part is Indonesia have bigger number of people in the productive age. That would boost the productivity on Indonesia.

How about the rotten officials?

The refresh of government officials would replace the old 70's recruits. The bet would be in the five years from now. The new generation of officials would proves their worthy of either being the better or the same corrupted as their previous.

Personally, I have hope for the new generation. When BPK inspected my workplace servers at Universitas Indonesia, they behave like real auditors. They chased all of the inventory and checked all of them. We were getting busy because of them. But, we were happy, their young face and the dilligent works that they showed actually put our hopes for the next generations.

As I joked to my work friends, "they were from big four [a nick for four best Public Accountant companies] before they signed in for becoming government officials. That's where they get their professionality."

Well, that's actually not a joke. There are massive exodus to become public servants (Pegawai Negeri Sipil/PNS). I don't know how massive. I only heard and saw that from people close me and their friends.

You won't know how Indonesia before you meet many people and watch them yourself. So, making prejudice about Indonesia is plainly wrong. Indonesia neither bad nor good. Indonesia is its own people having many communities with one community playing a role as majority.

My own wish for Indonesia is to protect all of its people. Including the way of life of the traditional society. As all of us whom involved in LSM or getting in touch with them informed, we knew the traditional society have suffer great loss.

Many young people would not respect their old wisdom for the forest. That's because many forest intended for their tribe (Hutan Adat) were deforestated by misguided companies. Many tribes were sent from their home because of the capitalism.

Worst of that, people minds have changed. They would burn down the forest for palm oil. They were not educated well! Our little rain forest is the world's oxygen supplier. The suffering would last decades and some would not reversible.

All in all:

In the end, my friend is right. He has the opportunity to have better life. It is ignorance to say all Indonesian is poor. Not all of us poor. But, the facts that UNICEF brought also right; Indonesia deserve better handling, especially for "minorities".

We'll see and watch these five years as the new government officials make their ways into the top. Can they change the government? I hope so.

Just Some Random Thought Captured.

2011-09-01T19:13:00.000+07:00

Untold History

I've seen people tweeted or put their status welcoming "September Ceria". While we are aware that there is a song by Vina Panduwinata with the said title, there is actually an Indonesian gay gathering located at Solo called
that. [1] Which one they would refer to?

This side of the Indonesian face is often hidden in the name of spiritual haegemony. I don't think this deserve public attention because of people often driven by anger would put this kind of activity away. But, by denying this part of our nation face, we are encouraging uninformed generation.

An uninformed generation is something that would make us terrible. They would lose their heritage and making hateful movements based on biased informations. This is what happens to us.

For example, people would curse New Order (Orde Baru) for Indonesia's downfall. They would spit on general behavior of public services. This put all of New Order's idealism into downfall also.

One important idealism that goes down with that is Pancasila. Some people would asked what's the relevance of this very foundation of Indonesia. Some also rejects the idea of this idealism and beginning to pursue other idealism.

But, what we don't see is, there are good people that run this nation. There are people that have great dignity to have Indonesia as a country. These people are hidden, although their works often hinted by media in small columns.

There are movements from grassroot that starting to hate Indonesian billionaires. The most recent is the Lapindo situation and how the cartel family involved tried to wash their hands. We also getting depressed about the Robert Tantular and many white collar crimes.

Actually, there are also hidden billionaire heroes.

I still remember William Soertadjaya and his good deeds. The most remarkable one is when he let go his share on Astra just to help Summa Bank. That part of him sets an example that people with good deed can go well, contrary to what The Games of Throne suggests.

I hope this part of history would not get burried.

Arsene Wenger Deserves To Be Respected

Many people blaming Arsenal's manager, Arsene Wenger, for the great lost against Manchester United (2-8). I think that's not fair! People, don't forget that Arsenal have just lost two of its important pillars: Fabregas and Nasri.

One thing that may be people forget, Arsenal still in high debt for their home stadium. It is by Wenger's hand that a club with low budget can shines with raw materials. He is forced to have average materials for that sake.

The demise of Arsenal is a bad things decided by management. If you have seen the recent attitudes shown by the frenchmen, you would see him aggravated easily. We would see him angered easily.

He was cool back on his day. I don't know, may be he is going senile or he also frustrated by the situation in Arsenal.

Can Arsenal wake from their succumb? The parting of their two great pillars, Wenger got two experienced players. Hopefully, they can climb back.

Reference:
[1] Gay Archipelago.

UPDATE:

Blogger Facelifted

Wow, Blogger change its interface. Cleaner but few things still missing/lacking. I have found out about statistics and AdSense. [sarcasm] Yay, I can monetize my blog.... [/sarcasm]

Why would I planting a tracking device on my site? :P

Anyway, maybe I would (don't want to be sesumbar...) but not on the near future. For now, the word monetizing is synonim with spamming in my dictionary. I know there are good blogs, but many have poisoning my Google search and spamming my comment systems.

The most great news for me is that Recent Comments plugin is working again. Now, I have readded it to my sidebar.

My English is beginning sloppier. I think I should train my English more....

Forgiveness and the Freedom of Letting go

2011-08-24T08:38:00.001+07:00

I know that to hate is the option that we have when we are in pain. It seems the easiest medicine to swallow. But, what is hate?

To be fair, I want to have this hate for myself. I need to understand myself about this hate before I say something about it. So, I have these past few months to experiment with having hate towards something.

To make it interesting, I made the object of hate from something reasonable to hate. So, I chose to hate our SDM (human resource department). The reason for hating SDM is simply easy:

They are arrogant bitches that think we, the worker, are dispensable goods.
They cut down our salaries like it was nothing and lie about things.
They don't listen to our saying.

In the first weeks of my trying to hate them, I had difficulties. Why would we hate? Why would we bother to have one in our transient memory? Why would I hurt myself?

But, then, I related myself to other friend. Wow, the hate became easy. I guess there is a type of hate because we sympathize with the other. We hate something because of the circumstances of other. For my case, it was the gate for me to hate.

Wow, suddenly, I felt the urge to curse them. I wanted to curse the people who put them in that position. I wanted to kill their political image and made them down at the bottom. It was easy to make them crawl. With anonymity of the Internet, rumors and few real information details, we could put down some lives.... >:)

Although this hate is enjoyable, I had my productivity bar at the lowest. I didn't work well anymore. I reckoned that at the last few months, I didn't do something that I love to do: INNOVATE! All I have done was watching the clock mounted on the wall as it would go for 04:00 PM and trying to look busy.

In the past, I would never talked bad about people. Even the baddest person would have their goodness. But, in this corporal hate, it was easy to talk about SDM and their bad deed. Then, the talk spread to talk about other officials bad deeds. Then, the talk spread to the bad deeds this nation hate. Suddenly, it was natural for me to talk bad about others.

The most frightening feature of hating is that it spread to other things as well. My other life were also affected. I don't feel the excitement of making music. I don't like to have church life. I too trying to see people mistakes.

Suddenly, I had a life where I would count anything. I checked my balance, something that I never did in the past. I was getting to be a kind person that counted what were people given and they would gave back to me. Thinking that I would be a fool to be just someone that getting used by others.

I lost myself.

All of these things happened in my experiment goes into one conclusion: To hate is to have self-destruct!

I have to let go of this hate or else I would be gone.

As I thought, the hate is like using drug. It is not that the hate is something that you would let go. The sober feeling is making you feel like you are the worst person on the earth. And when you try to stop hating, just like drug addicts, you would feel something inside you rebelled against you. The urge, or feeling high, is making you can't stop.

Well, to me the healing is an easy process. Just remember what Jesus did in the Calvary and, BAM!, the hate is gone. But, that kind of defeat the process of healing because not all can relate themselves to that. Besides, I know that this is an experiment and I can zap the feeling of that because I decide to not relate myself with it.

Those two combinations are too strong and like that's the ending without any process. Just like a zombie movie and the first minute of the film, alpha zombie were killed in ground zero. The next ninety minutes the film would be romance comedy.

So, I got another route to take. The principal is the same. To have hate disappear is to forgive. But, the problem of giving forgiveness is the forgiveness itself. What kind of forgiveness?

With that question in mind, I assess the hate within me and other people hate.

#1 Hate is a shout of needing

When we in the hate state, there is this urge of making other people suffer. This is normal. We don't hate people that are stranger. We hate people that are something to us.

By understanding this, I found out that I want someone, not particularly the person I hate, to understand me. I want someone else take this pain of getting my hope crushed. I want to have someone that I can trust again.

The problem is, my self-defense system is countering the thought. That's why in my inner there is this battle that make things paradox. In a romance saying: "there is this part of me to have someone, but there is this part of me that don't want to be hurt anymore"

So, to be healed, we must stop the defensive system. The principle to stop the defensive system is to force yourself to trust.

Some realize that it's okay to be hurt. Just like start ups that would stumble on many business plan until they would have one that succeed. To have the ultimate person that you could trust is like investing your life on many person (read: business plans) until there is someone that met your demand. You would have a ROI (Return of Investment) and more.

Well, you get the idea.

#2 Hate is a failed attempt of escape

There was this plan of me and then they ruined it. I didn't want to face it. No, I choose to not to face it. It was their fault; it was their fault; indeed, that was their fault!

When we have plans that don't go accordingly, we would have our lives threatened. Our existences and their continuity would be put in question. Nobody wants that. Thus, anxiety sprouts.

When I studied Project Management, the professor said: "There is nothing certain than the uncertainty itself." Nobody would know what the future holds. That's why, the management is actually an attempt to accept what would possibly happens.

Acceptance is the key here. By acceptance our failure on relationships, trusts and any other things we can take the next step: move forward.

Like the first attempt, there is also a risk that we could get from the next attempt. But, rest assure, the failed attempts are there so that we could assess the risk and making mitigation plan.

But be careful! Don't let the mitigation plan ruins us. Plan that involve distrust would only aggravating the risk of being failed again. As we want to be trust, others also want that. By creating gap, we'll only risk the new relationship.

#All in All

Forgiveness is the path we should take to move forward. Forgiving that we don't talk about it as a burden. Forgiving means we are not encumbered again. It's not about the money amount we lost, the pain we had nor the lost we had but the smile we would have. Don't you think being happy is what the course of life should be?

How To Assert Life

2011-08-12T01:04:00.000+07:00

Many people would let their w0rld crumble and pity themselves. Many would ended up cursing at something. Through time, their flame worn out and they are only left with lifeless life.

Words have power. It has a power to command consciousness. Consciousness can change the environment. Thus, the universe is rippled.

Choose your words carefully. Every words that may draws negative or positive energy. Words are how the consciousness perceive the world.

When you stepped over a shit, it would naturally categorize as fucked up. But, how's this? Your shit gives you reason to change shoes. It makes you wanted to be in another shoe. When your shoe splatted with those, there may be real friends that show the true friendship by lending you his/her snicker or suggesting or taking you to the nearest pool. The best of it, you may learn to walk not in naivety but more alert at what on the ground.

When things goes bad and the rhyme on our heart start saying the sad state, read the words backward! Fun is that way! Don't torture yourself.

Equality is Scary: Free to Enjoy Destroy

2011-08-02T13:42:00.005+07:00

I'm an environmentalist, or trying to be, since I've found out about ecological homeostatis. In my 3rd senior year, through a supplementary Biology class, I've found out that our land is connected with other part of the world. Furthermore, our tropical rain forest is the belt that creates earth's oxygen.

Since the dawn of industrialism, earth is scavanged and that makes enviromental problems. We have polluted air, radical climate change and the most crucial is greenhouse effect. As we grow greedy, many resources become exhausted and scarce. We have to stop this!

Like other envinromentalist, I think the best solution is to stop the radical change of man. We should not let countries to advance that rapid. Don't let them repeat the same mistake of having this life like us.

However, how many of us have the ability to endure pain?

Imagine of people that having less than $2 expense. Imagine of how people had their children died of hunger. Imagine of people that have to walk miles away just to have water. Imagine of those whose dream are to have better lives like in the cinema.

We have water at dispenser. We have educations. We have convenience store of everything. Sure, that's something that not for free. But, we made others also paying the price.

Why because of our conscious of the wrong doing making people not to have it?

We know we are wrong. We not let people to do the same path. But, we don't change. Isn't it just an act of exclusivity? We don't have the right to stop people from advancing.

But, I think, to have people restrained is not bad. You restrain yourself from killing your cheating girlfriend because you believe she would change. You restrain yourself from eating too much so you can achieve a record in track field. Restrained is also form of freedom if and only if people choose it.

To have them restrained is to let them know that the freedom of what their doing is actually like a sheep headed to butchery. That's not a good sight and I think our job as a man of freedom is to free them from it. But, is this the best thing?

Now, I don't know if I write right. My mind is faster than the hand. From this part is the thing that I want to say.

I know that many people from Irian Jaya (Papua, Papua Barat) wants their freedom. I don't think there is something wrong from it. I mean, look at them, years of excavations by Freeport and they still left behind from civilization.

My environmentalist mind may defend it by saying. Hey, if they were like Java, they would lost their paradise. The bastard me!

Our church have ministries in Papua. One of the pastor told us a story about how women with rotten flesh walked. They don't have doctors to disinfect them. Many people are alcoholic and he told us that a fellow pastor's wive almost got raped by those delinquent.

They need sanitation, doctors and education! They need infrastructures to have better lives. They need advancement. They deserve to have an option to be like us.

Still, I don't think Papua as a new nation is not right. I'm not talking about Indonesia, the country I love, and that I am part of it. But, I'm talking about humanity. Papua is not ready for their own government. They could fall for civil wars.

On that land, many spiritual leaders have their influence.

This is bad. Religion is cursed. Many spiritual leaders could separated just because of money and power. And their religious zealots would walk the bloody path as if it is for heaven.

But, then again, who am I to forbid them to have independence? Who am I that have facilities bitching about nationality to those that rot on the street? Who am I putting finger on mischievous people when I have everything that I need?

I was about to say rot on the sewer but then again they don't have that kind of facility.

But, then again, if we bother so much about nationality, why not help them as our brethren to have better lives?

After this you may find me arrogance, but I don't know how to write better illustration. I just write my own experience to say this point:

"If you want to bitch, be ready to fix them too"

Like many, I bitch about our government; about the best thing that left only for the rich; about the inequality; about how laws are not kept. Then there is this illustration that God draws from me.

One day a fellow neighbor talked to me. We haven't spoke before and I didn't have social. We were using a Mikrolet. We were on the front row. I was talking with the driver about corruption and stuff like that. The driver then cursed all of the government officials. My neighbor kept silence. He was hurt, I think, because he was a government official. Then, the car trespassed a red light. Then my neighbor complained the driver to me of having double standard with cold tone.

We bitched about our lives. We, like the driver, bitched about how corrupt this country. But, none of us had the balls to have Jihad/holy war against it with becoming a rightful official. Who could stand underpaid and low respect life?

Don't bitch if you don't have the ball to pull the trigger of change.

What I discovered, however, was that people that become a trigger of change don't bitch. Instead, they have compassion on people whom disabled. I think, they don't bitch about it because they understand about the pain those people were going through.

The reason why I respect Malaysia and didn't call them thieve is because we didn't realize about our culture. A group of people from Java wanted having a better life and wanted to preserve their culture on the foreign land. Not many Indonesian even have dignities on our own culture at that time. Those children of Ponorogo just needed to survive. So, they did Reog there.

We didn't preserve our culture at that time. We had let the culture died a painful slow death. Did we have a right to bitch?

People want a better lives and their lives are contradicting with our idealism. We don't have a right to stop them if we don't have a solution for their suffering. We are stripped of our right if the solution is against their consciences.

I like this part of open source project which applied also to life:

If something is wrong, why not fix it instead of bitching about it? You have the tools, it's open for you. You have the source. You could compile it and modify it how ever you like. If you have not the resolve, just watch the bugzilla and wait until another people fix it for you.

To watch the bugzilla of an open bug is scary, especially when the bug affects us. Just live with it. Because, if we bitch, instead of making the developer happy, we only making it worst by making them walk away from the project.

---

So, this is the final Equality is Scary series that I would love to write. This writing was inspired by backgrounds on Ai-Ren. These three parts were a big writing that I decided to separate it into three sections.

Equality is Scary: The Human Right of Evil

2011-07-28T19:02:00.001+07:00

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Of many terible things I found is the right of people we condemn as evil. We would put double standard if it's about a human that do terrible things. We tend to say it's alright for them to suffer. Heathen always doing blasphemy, like insects torn down our houses. They need to be incinerate with holy fire of justice. Thus, we justify hatred.

In that hatred, a twisted mind would do extremely malovent actions against other people. In this time, a young men from ultra-nationalist sought an opportunity to siege people with shooting. This young fatherless figure person killed tens of people just to fill his hatred. Authorities said that he was a poster from Christian fundamentalist websites and a reportedly held right-wing, anti-Muslim views.

Anti-immigrant movements are all sprouting around the globe. Again, anxiety would play a role with this. Many immigrants held their custom dearly making the locals felt threatened. This kind of problem arise because of the crisis of identity, which threatens the locals.

Many governments like Yugoslavia, Iraq and Indonesia under Orde Baru regime tried to hinder these anxieties by oppressing movements and voices. They tried to forcefully melt the immigrants and the locals. Diversity is controlled under strict threshold. These countries usually use dictatorship.

When the opressor have lost their claw, the voices that held down were bounced with louder decibel. I could only describe what happened as slaughter! You could search all the slaughter happened in countries when the government went down. Bosnians, Shiite, and so on.

All I can say, we fear people with different culture. Out of that anxiety, terrible community with twisted mind held the mic and surrogate hatred into many of victimized minds. These brainwashed people then act accordingly and put fire onto the oppressed. Thus, the cyclic of hatred begins.

Lets look example from the hatred of some towards Indonesian Chinese. According to Wikipedia, the public see that many Indonesian Chinese were held economic. An interviewer said that "to most Indonesians, the word 'Chinese' is synonymous with corruption". To many public eyes, the Indonesian Chinese were seen as wicked, exclusive and arrogance people.

I call that last paragraph as an act of idiocracy. Blinded by hate, the people are not seeing the truth. They were oppressed like hell! The faction of rich Indonesian Chinese is not even few percent of the whole Indonesian Chinese. As a friend of many Indonesian Chinese, I watched such hardships and would smack people whom said otherwise. Ups, a wrong thought. :P

To see the origin of the problem, we should learned from history.

The origin of this hatred was a political decision by the Dutch East Hindia government. At that time, they would seperate people into three classes: 1) the Europeans; 2) foreign Asian; and 3) locals (pribumi). And because of the fear of Dutch colonial, the Chinese at that time were being secluded from locals. And you can read the rest on Wikipedia.

This divide was a result of political decision of the Dutch. Unfortunately, years of difficulties and revolutions had led this flaw relatively unchanged. There are victims from both sides because of the poisonous prejudice. It happened on the past but haunting us like parasitic insect.

Now, we are here alive and kicking in 2011. If we ever knew such hardships, don't we start to accept our Indonesian Chinese brethens?

The past is the past and nothing could be change about it. But, facing the future is hard if we don't put down the hatred. Cheesy, but that's what left to do.

To face someone that we were given hatred all along is hard! But, think about it. They also human as we are. They also suffer. Why don't we see them as human too?

To think about forgiving is hard. I remember how a fellow that was a counselor described how terrifying of what happened in Ambon. A young man full of hatred because he watched his family slaughtered. Another story from another young man, he was in group of people that took revenge by burning the truck full of refugees. The refugee that manage to escape the burning truck would be decapitated or severely wounded till death.

Another mortifying story is about the story of Sampit.... Hmm... before this post becomes a gory horror not-suitable-for-weak-heart, I think I should stopped.

All I can say that, they also have suffered. Those people that slaughtered people, they also cried from their heart. Many would have nightmares, many fallen into dark arts, and many would fall into narcotics just to survive another night.

Unless you are a psychopatic person, the feeling of guilt would chase you. Many would seek asylum into thinking that the person is right. So, as a drug to entice the person will to live, the person would love to inject him/herself using any doctrine.

What else drug that so effective to vindicate them? A false religion run by wicked people. You could channel your anger and be blessed by god because of it. It is like a saying, "religion is the opium of the people." The doctrine of this false religion would gather weak-minded people to do anything just to have his/her peace of mind.

I know to let go of the hate is not a simple matter. To know that what you have been thinking is wrong is sometimes too much to handle. A self pity turns into selfless benelovance is like moving a mountain. It's hard that some would love to run away from the process.

I also have a sin.

I hate fundamentalists. There were many times our poor church went into discrimination. Even when my church was built before them, they would tried to close it down. And to nurture the hate, I was infused by jealousy of how easy they would set up their religious place while my church and many had the difficulties to be granted IMB (a license to build buildings). Many imbecile law passed by the parliement in these past years also made me more furious.

In these past few years, thanks to the Pornography law that incinerate my hatred, I began consumed by it. Fortunately, I am a scholar and I read Bible well. I emphasized on the word "well" because not all "religious" people would read their respective books well.

The word of God truthfully saying, "love your enemy", "you must forgive seven times seven times seven", "forgive our sin as we forgive other's", etc.

I do believe in all of your religion, you would find equivalent theme accordingly (please write about it in the comment section if you are willing to share). And furthermore, even if you are unreligious, you would find such in humanitarian thought in Humanism, Post Humanism, etc.

Thus, I began doubting the hate. As I made my self-assessment, I found myself was trapped because of the hate. Luckily, religion is a double edged sword. I use its wisdom to wipe the hate.

Interestingly, in the process of wipping the hate, I found out that the real reason of this hate is not because of love of God nor self-justified. Shockingly, it was about quenching my dignity/superiority ("kesombongan"). It was not about fundamentalism, it was all about my desire to feel superior. That was how I found out that superiority complex born from feeling of inferiority.

Yeah, humanity rules!

This feeling of insecurities led by the horror of being inferior is the root cause of it. Hate, prejudice, anger and malovent. There is no cure of it than forgiveness itself.

This cheesy solution, forgiveness, is not just what I made up. Lucky enough, I learned about Nelson Mandela and the South Africans to let go the past. They are now struggling but they have made theirselves a great nation. They beat Indonesia in making the place for World Cup.

I think this story could gives you some insight. I'm not a story teller, but you could see what they were thinking. I have a great insight from it because of its unique sense of humanity.

To accept different people is not just about forgiving, but also a process to accept ourselves. The reason why we can't accept different people is sometimes because we are afraid of changes. That changes would affect us and we feel like we would losing something. If you think about it, we afraid that we would change also. This part of ourselves, the adaptability, is scary.

Woops, I write this too intensively that I forgot what else I would write.

To accept differences is scary. To do that, we are walking like a baby. Sometimes we made a fall that hurts. Sometimes we feel embarresment. Many times, we are afraid of the pain. The beauty is, because of it we can walk and when we are old enough, we can run and catch all the dreams.

Ubuntu!

Equality is Scary

2011-07-28T08:42:00.003+07:00

New York have joined group of governments that legalize same sex marriage. Many congratulate and many condemn. I have a mixed feeling about this.

Personally, I am not in favor of gay kind of life. First reason is it is against Christianity that I believe. Secondly, it hinders human survivability. Third, this relationships usually developed from broken people with past trauma, CMMIW. I still believe that same sex relationship is a sign of brokenness, thus it's a disease, IMHO.

But what of people that choose it as a way of life?

I think it's not fair for me to look down on them. Contrary to popular believe generated by Internet hate machine, there is nothing wrong with being gay. They don't tease their straight friends and they respect what we believe. So, when they openly admitting their way of life, we should respect them.

And my personal experience with such person is that I don't feel disgusted with the person. We befriend each other like anybody else. I think what we fear is something that we are not seeing everyday. But once we meet that irregularity, we are alright all along. People with different point of view (except extremists) are not scary.

That's why I don't like Dragon Age 2. It depicted the gay person as pushy person. If we don't have their affection, we are left by them. That forced me to make my character ended up with the grey warden just because he had the healing ability. That's not how things happens in the real world.

If people think religious nation is scary, I think I'm proud of Indonesia. When many in the world still having struggle with gay, we have transvestite here in Indonesia alive and respected. Dorce, in spite of having disrespect from many, are well accepted in Indonesia generally. His TV rating are well received.

We respect people with different views: from party goers to the extremists. To have this respect is not easy. I for myself must struggle with my anxiety. I too felt stranded by these changes.

Learning to accept it is not that easy. Many would choose to look into the other way. Other decided to oppose the change. What I found was those doing are wrong. When we choose to neglecting our feeling, the uneasiness lurks in our heart. And when some idiotic radical with sweet talks take the mic, we are stirred to do something inhuman.

I found out that to accept that anxiety is the first process. To admit that we have uneasiness is the right step to do. You can't pretend like it's nothing. It is significantly something. Then, like a baby learn to walk, we tried to accept the difference. Note that there would be a falling time when we reject the idea. But, as time goes by, we are little by little come in understanding.

And... the world goes around and everything is just normally what as we know. Yeah, nothing much change. These anxieties are only shadowing our eyes from the world. Oh, well, that's how we should live. Respect each other difference and have a try to accept the negatives as well the positives of mind so that we could reach into a balanced conclusion.

This shifting values that made the world change is scary. Luckily, we meet them in natural ways. The scary thing that left in my thought is when my children's children have a conservative thought, will they have respect? Vice versa, when religions died and some still lean to it, will we be respected?

A Mixed Feeling of Torture

2011-07-25T19:23:00.004+07:00

You, humans, are selfish beings. You brought so many lives to this world without ever considering the pain those children would shrug. It is a life panacea to be able of bore children. Unfortunately, it is a shovel unto stories of hardships for the children.

How unfortunate of a child of a minority. The child would suffer of mocks. Even in the public schools, minorities get left behind. How unfortunate for the child of criminals. The child would be implemented bad things. Even if the child trying to escape, the society wouldn't let go.

The most unfortunate are the children of unwanted. Child of womb ripped without consent. Child of accident. Child of an extremist.

As soon as the child grows, it will face hardships. Without its consent, the child would be a plaything of the world. Either eaten by greedy of capitalism, enslaved by despotism, or even diluted by extreme sects. They kill, they rape, they died, they intoxicate this world.

This world and its demise are getting closer each passing day. How cursed we are in this wicked world where people kill each other just to survive. And you ignorantly passing down a life to the child? Why do you gives life into this troubling world? My life?

Famine, hunger, terrorism, fear and the most feared; betrayed. Must I face that?

Dear child,

I have not bore a child. I am but a generation before you. You have a reason for hating people, especially your parents. You have a weary face about this world that you would inherits from us. You have a reason to blame us for everything that you can't have for granted anymore. It's natural for you to think that in this twisted world.

But child, listen to my story.

I was born as minority. I had the time when I walked and someone would spitted at me from behind. I had the time when I was in the environment where people would talked behind my back. I even have a hard time on the school when our homeroom teacher mocking my parent's belief.

I did have a right to hate them. But I didn't and I won't.

One day, when I was on the way home, my body felt heavy. It was a hard day for me to walk. Unable to breathe well, I collapsed on the same road where the hate resides. That day, the sun struck me hard. The asthma I had made it so hard to breathe.

And on that day, I was on that asphalt road, lying....

On my faint, I heard people voices. They rushed to get me. They put oil and massaged my back, called me and told me to be strong. They nurtured me so I could catch my breathe again and I was saved. I couldn't talked, I couldn't said any word. All that I was thinking of was getting home safely. The cold me, they still gave their shoulder to lean.

Thank God for my asthma.

People are not evil. Sometimes, we are brainwashed by our beliefs. Injected with feeling of superiority just to hide our fear of inferiority. Desperately having a hard time to get our existence. Stricken by our frustration, we tend to hate people. And the people hate back at us.

But child, even in the harsh environment, each human equipped with benevolence. When people looked down by other people, there are people longing for the best for that person. And the magic of life is sometimes the person who hated you would have a point where the person gives you acknowledgement that you wouldn't believe that it entranced you so much.

People died, new people born. Nothing we can do about it except wondering. Wondering about having savior as convenience. Sometimes we have one, sometimes we don't. Don't hate those whom have not. It's not their own fault.

Child, I am not a hero. I am not an influential person. As an ordinary person, I try my best for you. I have chosen not to use plastics. I have chosen of not having own car. I have tried my best to create best environment for nurturing great people.

I try my best, so please don't be disappointed.

Whenever you have people hurt you, please remember that there are who tried their best to love you. Whenever there are people who dissenting truth, there are people that tried to unveil it. Whatever that was taken down, we try to build it up again.

I remembered someone would asked God why her mama and papa gone but the bad people stayed. When I think about it, I have also a question in mind why one of my best friend leaved early. Many answers would I had, but I think the best for me was because God is being good for bad people so that He gave them a chance to repent.

If you don't believe in God, then remember this: people at best to change when they are alive. Decayed heart could be healed. Shattered mind could be mend. Dismembered soul could be attached. All of it is on the dice waiting to be rolled out.

We don't need money, we need to live. As far as I remember, the most lively life is when we share our laughter each other. A happiness is when we could learn to smile. To feel content of what we have. To have each other trust.

So child, forgive this world and carry the will of your youth. A world full of dreams. Learn from my generation mistakes. Learn, please, don't be like us. Don't be consumed by the world of capitalism. Don't be chained by communism. Take your time to learn each other with your friends and enemies.

Forgive past grudge. They won't take you anywhere. Live, live your life with happy smile. You are born in the world where you have the power to define. We'll ensure you that you have that option. Or, at least you could create that option.

----

Taken from my thought after reading Ai-Ren manga.

Kiwi!

2011-07-20T08:36:00.000+07:00

Scientists, innovators, and lovers, they have one in common: would try to achieve the dream even if the dream kills you.

Even for a moment, you would chase the glimpse of the dream. Even if your life is the stake.

Crazy humans... trying to have something in life. Human fear change but irritated with a constant life. Afraid of losing but instead going far away.

A dream, a raison d'être.

A Song Can Always Be Interpreted

2011-07-19T08:23:00.000+07:00

Finally, I got my hand on the new Owl City CD, All Things Bright and Beautiful. I wonder why it's so hard to find his CD here? I've been listening through the night and I enjoyed his song.

I discovered Owl City from the movie Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole. The angelic voice is so different from other singer. To my surprise, Owl City is actually just a young man named Adam Young with a Christian faith in his songs. Well, that's the surprise thing, because the mainstream industry is not that kind for religious content.

The interesting part of listening of religious content is actually reading the fans comments. They would argue about atheist vs. christian and the trolling would flame out the discussion. How will we be growing up? If it's a good song, then it's just a good song. You could interpret it however you like.

I believe that all religious text without the pretense and with its god label is universal. One of my favorite song is Alhamdullilah by Too Phat feat. Yasin -- the original version without Dian Sastro. Too bad, they were disbanded. Their rap song is so great.

Anyway, to my surprise, the song that I like in Owl's album is Galaxies. It seems that there is a dark side of the story about this upbeat song. It was actually an interpretation of about the last thinking of one of the Challenger crew before it blew. The song is about a man thought before death. Such a positive thinking.

When I dug the interpretation, this song kind of remind me to my favorite character from Saving Private Ryan. The cool snipper that saying Psalms before his death against the German's tank. It also reminds me of another favorite song of mine, The Spirit Carries On by Dream Theater.

We don't use drug. But, a good song is a good ecstasy. Listening anything without pretense is uplifting. There is no rule that forbid us to interpret it whatever we like.

Btw, the OST from Guardian is not in the first CD and also not on this CD, so where should we get the song legally?

A Private Answer of Life

2011-07-18T02:36:00.002+07:00

It's 21st century and many people in the world are dazzled by capitalism. We bound ourselves into the fear of uncertainty of the future. Many of us would worry about our specific old days.

Well, at least that's what an insurance agent was talking about with me. The person would talked about what if scenarios. The person would said:

"Good Sir, what if you have diseases on your old days?"

"What if you get wrecked and you can't do any works?"

"What if you have kids, how would they go to school?"

I didn't buy such questions. In particular because at the time I believed that I have my God with me. Wasn't that a stupid answer from a highly educated person like me? Well to tell you the truth, I do believe it still.

Here's the reason.

There are a fair chances of I'm getting married. Yet, there are chances that I don't. [EDITOR NOTE: I HOPE I DO]

There are chances of me getting children, and there are chances that I don't. May be I was sent to Fukushima, or something bad really happens.

Even when I managed to school my kid, there are chances that they would be a good kid. They go to church and have a good educations. But, there are also chances that they won't. They may going into cults, addictions, or swinging at parties and have AIDS.

They may developed into a good adults, would go playing with my old. Wipe my ass as I begin to weaken. Listen to my past glory and smile at me and congratulate me. They would comfort me as I put my eyes into the deep sleep.

But, there are also the chances that they would swindle the old me. Acting to let me sell my house for their convenience. There are also chances that would they throw me at elderly house and only pay for the first year and let me be. There are also chances that would mock me, giving me bad time, nagging me because they couldn't hold up to my fart and my old rotten body.

Does the insurance covering that?

Even when some part of the insurance have covered that, there are chances that I nor my inheritor couldn't able to claim those. The funny part is; the insurance make me feel like betting my life that I would like that and the insurance company betting that I don't. Don't I being pessimistic about myself?

What if the insurance world would collapse because of some punks with money pulled doll play at the stock market? You know, the one that like in the US in 2008, the one that made Greece falling into bankruptcy. Or the "force major" riot on 1998?

Nowadays we have a corrupt system called capitalism and people are drawn to greed. That greed that would brought down the world through calamities. And people accept it as a part of human nature and discarding the other part qualities of human: learning from mistakes.

In such accordance, many seeks pacifism, humanistic approach, and neo-humanistic. They would through many philosophical thinking. But, many I found failed to answer and just fall to the old ways. They said that Communism is atheist, but they worship their leader as if they were god. They said that Atheist is pacifist, but they nagging Christians and trolling their ways into many provoking actions.

In the end, we still the same, it's us the one that needs to have self-control.

Modern life doesn't answer the question about life. They answer about convenience in the expense of addiction. The world has millions of years of process but human only in 200 years make oil attrition.

So, for my convenience of self-control, I chose to believe in God. I chose to have faith in what I do is in His hands. Isn't that more or less the same as paying every month for something that doesn't seems to happen?

The pill is the same, I want to be able to sleep at night. So that my tomorrow would not fear me. But, the most comprehensive is better to believe in God rather than believing in some insurance companies.

It's just that not I reject the idea of being rich. It's just that not that I reject the insurance company. It's just that not I'm over-confident about myself. It's just not because of I let my self uneducated by believing "superstition".

It's just that I'm trying to enjoy my life.

Isn't that the simple reason that we tried to answer through many majors, philosophies and disciplines?

Image is taken from Mangafox from Golden Boy manga. (not safe for kid)

God Wills It!

2011-07-14T10:13:00.002+07:00

Nice thing about getting sick is I can watched the television. I can see how our TV stations is invaded with South Korean. My knowledge is suddenly overwhelmed with this so called K-Pop culture.

The news filled with story about obscure Pesantren and Indonesian Democrat Party scandals. I don't really care about the Democrats, SBY has failed me since he choose unfavor person for an important position as Minister of IT. The man has no vision and only making us IT workers looked bad.

If SBY has surrendered such position to that awful person, then I believe he has no vision or whatsoever to this nation. Thus, I have reject him and resented my choice when I decided to select him and Budiono. I thought he would be credible and with majority as his backing, he would done things gallantly.

The most retrospective news is about Indonesian parliament wants to push RUU Hak Cipta. It was yesterday at MetroTV's 8-11 show. I didn't know who was the spokeperson, but the person was called Professor. So, I guess he had a background from education. And the other person which unsignificant int the dialog is Rere (cmiiw).

From the talk, seems he wanted to model the new law with America and Australia. OMG! He wants to bring the DMCA monster to this country. Gosh! how stupid of our law makers want to copy the harmful law that dissenting people from their rights?

I mean, so we are pro DRM or something? What is the right for us, the consumer? When I bought an original CD? Didn't I buy the right to use the content? I bought the CD and the right to use the content what ever I wanted for personal use, didn't I? If this pro DRM law would grow into our motherland, then there are chances that our country could be restrained like those in US, worse than them.

Well, worse because they have their First Amendment and Fair Use law to protect them from unnecessary judgement. What we, the consumer of Indonesia have to be protected from abuse? The trial of Bu Prita also proves that! The imbecile that only concerns about porn and handshake may not have the idea why people long ago protested the law.

Such abusive law....

I don't know how far they are willing to do about our economy. But, didn't they also said that Creative Industry is one of the emerging market in Indonesia? If they wanted to protect that industry, don't they should learn from the countries where such beast are nurtured?

Then, why not based our copyright law to Japan or South Korea? Don't forget, we also need to consider the law also protect us from abusive use of law which called Patent Trolls....

Sadly enough, my rant here is about the country mass law that outdated, outplaced, and out of control. Innocent people could be drawn into countless outlaw. Thus, this countrymen choose to disregard the law.

Is that a country that you wanted, corporates?

I don't.

Lady Summer

2011-07-06T13:42:00.004+07:00

Once upon a time, there was a great country where all men were held in the mountains. They watched over the world in the dark mountains. The cold of mountain scene is what they used to.

Men accustomed to be a hermit. Their solitude made their shoulder strong. In the midst of mountains, they hid their selves among the trees and caves. Nobody had ever seen the true them; in fact, they were rarely seen.

One day, a lady climbed a mountain. She brought a shiny star upon her. She shook every cold away. The mountain tops was becoming warmer and warmer. This pleasant feeling surprised the hermit men. There was this fear suddenly popped out from his heart. His cold solitude life was crumbled.

The women knew of the anxiety. As she smiled, she offered her hand. Like a puppy, the hermit took that warm hand. With fear he leaved the place where he used to hide his feeling. The place is warmer and tears of the broken were flowing from his mystified eyes.

That men has finally met his lady summer. And that was how the kingdom prosper and continued. Every time a men found by his lady summer, he would be saved.

FIN.

---

BEHIND THE SCENE

As usual, I didn't know what to do while inspecting SPAM corpus. I fired up MyPaint and started drawing weird objects. Suddenly, two lines fitted to be the eyes. Adding here and there, plus a concept, I finished Lady Summer.

I took inspiration from Michelle Phan for modelling the face. I think you should watched her video. It's crazy how professional girls prepare their make up. It through layer per layer, from foundation to mascara and eye liner. But, I think I just used two layer for the face. Real women (in photography model) use many. Kudos for them!

As I also in favor of Hatsune Miku, I put the green color as the hair. I tried blue, however, it looked cheesy and I tried red but felt awful. Green is refreshing.

In the past I used to model big boobs girl like most shonen would do. After I read Ai Kora, hang out at Sankaku Complex, reading shoujo manga, and studied shonen harem, I came to a conclusion: there is a fettish in each part. Flat chest has its own charm. In Sankaku, flat chested girl called delicious flat chest (DFC). So, I took the challenge of creating this image of DFC.

DFC have an advantage to not necessarily wearing bra, although I against it. Over padding is disastrous, it made the girl look like a fool when the pads were found. A right amount of pad that looks natural is okay, though. Since this is a character, using the right combo of cloth what kills (I didn't pad her).

I chose the A-line cloth. To add its cuteness, I made green flurry to cover the chest. Hey, what can I say, I am a conservative. So, I don't like to model a temptress. Besides, this is a character of a goddess, so we should made her as cute as possible not a bitch. Her cloth should be white as pure as the breeze of summer.

The V belt is to emphasize her skinny. DFC looks better when skinny. In fact, it's a blessing that only DFC looks great in skinny. It also blend the shirt with the skirt. Adding cuteness to the character.

Summer girls always comes with a hat. In Umi no Misaki, Kimigure Orange Road, and any type of manga, summer girls usually showed up with a hat. I drew the hat for summer. In fact, I drew the two lines and the hat first. That's the motivation behind this summer look.

If you look the hand, you would know I suck at drawing hands. I also trying to draw the eyes, which I excelled in the past. The problem is I'm using analog mouse. Like Michelle Phan tutorials, the eye's pupil is also made in layers and it's hard to do it with an analog mouse. However, I'll try to have the gist of it. It's been a while since I'm drawing a character.

One concept to hide my weakness: the men was living in a mountain. I took this opportunity to draw a scene where the girl was at the first time reaching the top. She should be have a back stress. As she happy from a long way up walking, she also tried to hold her back to be able to stand and offered a hand. Thus, closed happy eyes and one hand on the back.

Oh, one more thing, the body were drawn not with perfect figure like manga. I believe that many people have shortcomings. I love the beauty of taking advantage of or cleverness in hiding those shortcomings. What are the shortcomings is left to the reader to find it. AFAIK, only Mr/Mrs perfect who can spot those, and if you spot one, you need to forgive yourself.

There are many things to learn to be able to draw again. I have things to learn or re-learn. Anyway, I don't put any references for my studies for this particular picture. But, believe me, honey, what I said here about the fashion is true.

Why So Insecure?

2011-06-25T10:38:00.004+07:00

This obvious and the girl still wasn't sure about the man feeling...

Picture taken from Mangareader.

Why Believe in God?

2011-06-16T12:55:00.002+07:00

I couldn't agree more!

Sometimes the sole reason why we believe in god is because we are born in a religious family. Maybe when I'm in the Moslem family, I would believe in Allah than Jesus. Maybe if I'm a child in India making my ways into the Gangga river for blessing. Or some religions where my family went to believe.

Don't you ever doubt the faith you have?

I have. And I believe many are doing so. There are levels of questioning, further to demising the faith. The basic would be: "Who is the right god?", "What if what I believe is wrong?", "Is god really loving me?"

Then, when in the denial, the most lowest of our lives, the despair, we step further: "is there a historic record for the events happening in the [YOUR HOLY SCRIPTURE HERE]?", "is there a miracle?", "why merciful god so cruel to let [INSERT TRAGEDY HERE]?", "why they have better lives than we, even though they do [INSERT SINFUL ACT HERE]?"

Then, for the mind that gets feed with academic philosophical questioning minds: "creationist deny science!", "magic debunked", "miracles just a mere none", "the thoughts of [INSERT YOUR SCRIPTURE'S WORDING HERE] are misleading and contradicting."

But then again, the dogmas of years living in religious family would made you felt sorry for yourselves. And those questioning minds are being ignored. The religious dogmas put the fear in our heart. It always defeats ourselves and making us not true for ourselves.

Maybe...

We don't believe in god. We fear him/her/it/[INSERT REFERENCE TO YOUR GOD(S) HERE]. We fear the society. We fear of not belonging. We fear of being rejected. The church/mosque/temple/[INSERT YOUR RELIGION'S WORHIP PLACE HERE] is a symbol of a good guy. I don't want to be looked as a bad person, don't I?

I think, the reason of we being submissive to god is not because of we are having a good relationship with god. It's just we're too scared to be judged as a bad person. We are afraid because of the doubt that god may actually exists. And we are afraid that people will start to hate us.

The safe bet is instead of being atheists we are being agnostics.

Truthfully, I don't want to write this entry. I shy myself from speaking about my faith. I think some of you are not that ready.

Why don't we just erase religion from our ID? Why don't we embrace atheism and agnosticism? Why don't we go secular?

[you may stop reading this point. The later is about my rant about my personal belief and people who get messed it around.]

I don't like these recent years.

People are getting to church without relationship with God. When I was little, people would not mind to have more than two hours sermons. Nowadays, they would glare to the time keeper just to keep the pastor to stop at given amount of time. They would criticize the sermon, songs sung, and the way the show ran.

In the past, people would gives their best dresses and show up early. Nowadays, people would come late to the Sunday service. And even in the beginning we have warned people to shut their phone, there would be a damn phone rung. Some would take text messages and surfing through their smart phones. And when they felt bored they would skip the sermon and walked out early.

I'm a Pentecostal and our church is one that celebrates ten days of waiting for the Holy Spirit descending. One of the speaker said something that also struck me. In the past, people would prepare themselves for these ten days. In the past, there would be up to four speakers. The service would be more than four hours long.

But, the fascinating about it was that there would be miracles.

In the past, many people that done crimes afraid to attend that service. The reverends would reveal their sins through. In the past, people would spoke in tongues and others would decrypting the messages. People got healed through the services. Their land get blessed. Yes, the irrational things that some would hard to believe it now.

Nowadays, there is a trend of declining miracles. The solemn place where I could worship is like a theater where people try to enjoy the show. People would enjoy the song, the dance, and the sermon. Those are presented as if as an act to entertain people.

I do believe church should be a theater. We are all the actors and God is the sole audience that the subject to be pleased by us, the actors. The scripts that played should be with soul in it. Give the act more than Al Pacino or Sean Connery could do. Because contrary for those Oscar winning, we act with our lives. We are featuring ourselves.

I know, may be the declining pace of miracle is because we are reluctant to chase it anymore. Okay, maybe not we but me.

In the past, in one of the church once I helped, we have miracles constantly in making. Some hopeless people that have tried their best to be cured within medical and alternatives way. Some people in desperate for searching jobs, better lives, and family. Those broken came to us.

They got cured. They got jobs. They have dreams fulfilled. Then, they gone. That church just a relief center. As soon people get what they have, they leave.

The pastor kept quite about it, but I don't. After I'm relieved from the service, I have less time to pray for other people's sake. I know I'm being selfish. I beginning to think that people should pray themselves. It seems not a bad thought. But, that mind brought from my disappointed mind, which is wrong.

In the past, we would prepared ourselves. Having feast, praying, and repenting. We didn't have a formal music education. But, when we played, tears would part from many eyes. Joy songs would making even the old ladies dances. Our impromptu play at worshiping even can't be beaten by any Jazzy jam session.

Nowadays, player learned from Chick's and seasonal players. They have a good play, even complicated plays with crescendos, bridging, staggering play. But, they missed the part of worshiping.

Hmm... in the past like this, in the past like that. I feel like a grumpy oldman while I'm still in twenties of age...

It's just that I have declining faith and I'm struggling to find solemn place where I could connect to my God. So desperate that I even use this blog as a voice from my heart. Something that I wouldn't have done in the past.

Belonging

2011-06-09T14:32:00.002+07:00

A home is a place where you could place your head with no worries.

Vindicated

2011-06-07T01:10:00.002+07:00

People always saying things so lightly. Things like "I love you", "I swear", and the list go on. These sentences often said but done. These sentences are deemed as decorative and people started to laugh at those every time a person said that.

What you said is something that either strengthening or weakening your spirit. If the sentence becomes dull, then it no longer have the power to strengthening nor weakening. But, that's just making your live closer to null, an opposite of something.

Well, to put it simple, how about to take a sentence or two and starts to consume it. Take it, analyze it, and take something from it.

I would propose a good sentence with many ways of describing it

"Humans are faulty"

Do you realize the weight of this sentence?

At first I would just accept it as a word of God because it is written in the Bible. But, then again Bible stated that if we knew the truth, then the truth would set us free. I don't want sounded preachy about this. But, in the case that sentence, knowing this is what can make us free.

Set free from the hate of others

I learned through the hard way that hate is a terrible anchor. At first, the lingering feeling of belonging makes the ship unharmed. The anchor would let us in the same position on an island of our comfort zone.

The problem is, life is an open sea where radical changes of typhoon would occur.

I had a trip on Danau Toba. We were on a two store boat rounding the lake. The boat was for us to have all day. We took the chance to visit many places.

At noon, the lake was calm. We took the opportunity to visit many places. Often the boat anchored and we took off from it and walked the shore. Those spots were interesting sights.

In the afternoon, things getting complicated. We were ready to arrive at our final destiny. The wind getting stronger and the lake making huge waves.

We were unable to embark to the shore. The sailor were trying to keep the rope at shore while we were jumping one by one. The ship body get thrown from side to side. The ship unable to stabilize.

Many part of the ship began to collapse, especially the side bumper. The bumper beginning to fall one by one. The ship were unable to land properly and the anchor was making it stuck on that place.

Out of desperation, the sailor went to say goodbye to us and then cut the anchor. The ship needed to go. Staying at that place was devastating.

So, there it went.

The ship was save because it cut its anchor. Unfortunately, because of the process, the captain's dog was left behind. It was a nice dog that always with the captain. It was obedient and seems to know how things worked.

Staying in the same place, getting anchored was okay. But, don't take too long on it. The anchor would destroy the ship when the storm comes.

Let go the anchor and sail away. Let go the hate and forgive.

Set free from the hate of own self

Yeah, that's right the thing that must forgiven is not someone else. It is your self!

I would love to discuss this, but my time is up. My body alarm is up. I think you know what I mean, right?

How to set free

Now, let's starts thinking this carefully: "humans are faulty"

That means, either I, you and others may have the day when we make mistakes. The guilty feeling is not what God intended to create to make people suffer. But, it was meant to make people learn from the mistake.

When guilty makes you thinking and making you be a better man, then it served its purpose. Beyond that, the guilty is not right.

Walk and look straight forward. Every mistake is a lesson, but it also the symbol of us, lives. Shows the sign of evolution, process of making a better me.

The mistake also carry consequences, but that's the price that not always charged. There will be a time when we are not burdened by that consequences.

That's because life of a human is changing. For good or bad, you decide.

--
Inspired from the story Onani Master Kurosawa. I wanted to write more but my eyes couldn't keep up.

To be continued (if time permits and author not lazy....)

Faith Intertwined

2011-05-14T07:42:00.002+07:00

As many people with many better things to do, I don't go much often to see the news. As what I've expressed in the past, the media has grown into something nasty. They don't have that sense of responsibility and the quality is deteriorating into the level of gossip column.

I've just got SMS asking about the stance of Christianity. A Moslem friend asked me if the Bible encourage us to support Israel country. Apparently, there is a Jew community that would like to celebrate Israel birthday made it into the news. Because of that, some of uninformed Indonesian making strange conspiracy theory.

Now, for Indonesian people here's a hint about Chrisitianity: Jesus would like to build an Israeli kingdom, but that kingdom is not in earth! Furthermore, it is said in the Bible the new Israeli weren't the descendant of Abraham, but also tribes and nations from all over the world.

If you learned about history, the Israel kingdom was divided into two kingdom: North Israel and Judah. After King Solomon, ten of the tribes liberated themselves into North Israel and his descendant took an altar of the two remaining tribes as Kingdom of Judah, which part of its area were the current Israel.

Both of the kingdom weren't lasted because, according to the Bible, they were sinister. God had enough of their sins and took an oath to banish them from their land. It is said from the Bible that the Messiah would come and gather them. In this particular teaching, we, the Christians, believe that the Messiah has arrived. This differ with mainstream Judaism that still waiting. To them, we are infidels; a cult.

But, even if we are labelled infidels and differ with them, Christians are told not to hate people; even if that person is an enemy. This benevolentness of tender and meek seem making some people into thinking that we are supportive with them.

Do you know that the Christians also support Palestine as a country? Furthermore, the only thing that stands between Israel and Palestinians are the Vatican that protects the Palestinian country.

So, before judging others, why don't we Indonesian take a deep breath and think just for a while and stop generalizing things! None of this world is black or white.

Take a look at a while about this story here. It was written by a Mexican Jew who felt enough about the Zionism and what it's lack of. With that, I can prove you that not all Jew support Zionism. Take a look of this document also that said there was a time where Arabs and Jewish ruled in peace by a Moslem Caliph.

So the problem is:

HATE GENERATES HATE

The current sad state of the Indonesian media is took a part of it. They would make an opinionated what supposed to be a fact article. That's the problem!

Now, before you pointing a finger against the Indonesian Jew community that celebrate other country's independent, I would like to ask you about the same thing: WTH you celebrate the Palestinian independence? Don't your hypocrisy makes a double standard here?

They were wrong to celebrate other country, so do you. You, the people whom into thinking of the Palestinian country as if it was your homeland. You whom take an oath to give something to the Palestinian, instead of doing something about the sorry state of our own brethren in Lapindo

Is it wrong? Not really. They may suffer.

But, IMHO, when other people do the same you point a finger on them. That's double standard. People that put double standard is like taking orgasm over double rainbow. With no particular reason of whatsoever but a phantasm.

So, please, stop this hate! Let them and you and me and others enjoy our lives without hate.

Ah, my blog article is getting biased. So, I stop here. My point is, we are brethren and forever will be even if we have different faith. No hate please.

To Let The Rock Go

2011-05-09T17:19:00.005+07:00

A mob led by wise people of Judaism came to Jesus with a women held captive. They want a justification to stone the women. They also sought the opportunity to have Jesus a wrong judgement. A reason to kill him, or just shattered his name.

He was famous and rebelious at that time. Many wisemen didn't like him. They would love him to make a wrong move.

The women was held because she get captured while having sex with her partner. According to Torah, she should be stoned to death. But, then again Jesus was writing on the ground when they asked him about the women. They talked to him, forced him to make a decision. This Rabi, thought them, should make a move!

Then, Jesus told something:

Those who have no sins may throw the stone.

At first, what he said was ordinary, but I think what he wrote is something that may be made many wisemen from the oldest to walk away. None of them stoned the women. It was never explained what were written.

I think he was writing archaic known to the wisemen that common people wouldn't knew, including his students at the time. Or, he wrote all of the wrong doings that the wisemen done in the past. Or, may be combination of it.

I love this story not because of its religious thing only. This is also my Zen for being pacifist. Like other, I have lust to blame people. I would love to put myself into a righteous being. I love being right and people being wrong. Yes, that's the sinister me.

You see, we love double standard. We often told people that they are wrong. But, when we were shown of what were wrong, we get irritated. We would make a wall high enough to protect us from the critism.

Well, I've realized just now that when we bring judgement to people, we are throwing rocks. Get ready to thrown back. We may not get thrown at first. We may get pass it. But, at a time we eventually get thrown. It hurts like hell!

If we are unable to bring judgement, the hate resides. It is like taking a rock at our hand. As time passes, the hate getting larger. We start to hate many things.

When the time comes the rocks filled both hand. At that time, we can't do anything. What's worse than that a man with hands but unable to use it?

To be able to do something, we must let go the hate. Let go of the rock. Let's do something useful instead!

This blog post is a reminder of myself. No, I'm not a saint. From my reading, you know I don't do well in religion and stuff. I'm a flawed man. But, I'm trying to be a better me.

That's why I love Robbie Williams song, The Better Man. This bastard is trying to repent.

I wish not to put judgement upon others because as I'm flawed, they are too.

A Strange Thing About Life

2011-05-04T18:33:00.002+07:00

As I read about 5 Centimeters Per Second review -- it's 8.0 in IMDB, btw -- I searched the bad comments of it. I'm interested in people whom commented bad about this movie because not many of them. In fact, there was only one or two bad reviews! Anyway, I found a comment intriguing that commented about:

How can a guy can't let go his first love? Why he drifted instead?
As little children we are forced to get along with parents decisions, but as an adult person you can fulfill your desires. Why not search her?

A man drifted by his unrequited love? A very interesting theme indeed. I don't think a man drifted into his love is bound to Japanese theme. There are many stories about man drifted with his unrequited love. The most I remember would be Hamlet.

I also got a true story about a person whom drifted with his unrequited love. My father said he had a friend whom had someone dear in his heart. Unfortunately, they were separated by their countries. Until the day my father told me the story, his friend never got married. My father said the friend of his still longing for the one he love.

"Reality" Logic

So, why Takaki Toono, the protagonist, couldn't moving forward?

Have you as a person whom have desire chose to chase that desire? I think most people won't do it, especially in these modern days. We are culturally raised to kill our dreams as we grow old. We have many things in our young days and by the logic of what we call reality, we soon forget those dreams.

What is this "reality" logic?

You would die from a car accident. That's the logic. But, reality doesn't always like that. There is this chance that the car would stop in the right time. There is a chance that you only have broken ribs. There is a chance that you could move your body accordingly to have minimal impact with the car.

Now what's the "reality" logic does?

It makes you to choose to close your eyes and surrender.

The way reality logic reads into what they call reality, is a logic that have presets of choices based on what they would think. So, instead of people take good care into statistical evaluation, they would believe that the confidence level of the decision is 100%. That's why people would give up. As if that there is no other branch prediction that things would be done otherwise.

Strangely, the way of science prove otherwise. There would always be a confidence level not 100% for a hypothesis. If you have been in social study and creating math model to discover a relationship an occurrence with others, you would have to prove it. The proving comes with confidence level of 99.9% or 99.99%. Meaning, although the hypothesis is proven, there would be a 0.1% or 0.01% chance that what you prove is wrong.

Human are not scientific. In modern days, they use their hunch for defying other possibilities. They would call their love unfathomably unreasonable to search. So, in the case of Toono, he won't hire a private detective to search of his love, given that he is wealthy enough to hire one. Like modern people, he would have doubt that the other side would move on. Or, he would be so busy with other things that he thinks that the reason of his feeling is not significant enough. Or, may be he just don't know how to have help.

It is different between knowing how to have help with knowing what help is. It's like you know how to bake a cake, but you have never put an effort to bake one. That may because you would felt troublesome, unmanly, or simply you think that a cake store is enough.

When you know you need help but you don't asked for help, that's what you would think that baking a cake yourself is troublesome. You would think the trouble when you have to go to groceries, buying the ingredients, and walk hours of trial of error. Some of you may think that the money should go elsewhere. So, instead invested in that "risky" opportunity, you would go something safer.

When you know you need help but convince yourself you are right is like men think kitchen is for women. Unconsciously, we are often make our own wall of thought because of the cultural ways when we are being raised. In many ways it is a good thing, e.g. you would not do something that hurt other, you would not steal, and so on. In other many ways, it make you stop thinking of possibilities, e.g. putting tea on a bottle in the 80's would be considered weird; people would not bother to buy litter; why would people buy something that they can get free? And so on....

When you know you need help but convince yourself that the help method is for others, you are thinking that baking should be done in cake store. You would step away from discovering new possibilities and trust that the truth is something that proven long ago. You would not go far from what your environment think. You would comfortable from the box of mind sets by your society and decided not to made one different thing.

You would say that move on is what people should do. That's the common sense. But, why are you still have lingering feeling?

The common sense is not always a common result. I believe life is an NP Complete problem. There is no optimal answer for it. But, people would assume it otherwise. Thus, the lingering feelings and troublesome heart.

In case of Toono, his loneliness in modern society touch his sentimental side. I believe that's because of, according to Maslow's 5 level of needs, people needs to have acknowledgement from others. Technology separates people from other people. The vending machine would make you less contact with the people whom run the business. All of your needs are fulfilled until you are in the level of need of someone else. Suddenly, in that time you realize that there is this gap in your heart.

The gap would made a man ask about what the life itself. The question leads into realization that you are alone. Then, the gap widened. As it widening, the man fathoms in the search for fulfilling the gap. Man would cling into whatever man have, i.e. the best time of that particular person with others.

Choosing What Is Right

Like I said, there is no effective solution to a fulfilled life. I think everyone uses Genetic Algorithm to find their own solution. So, instead of going to compute the whole equation, which is impossible, the person would search local maximum/minimum for the best choice he/she can make.

In case of Toono, he chose to think that the girl of his dream have walked away and have a new wonderful life. As she is happy, he should be starting to made one too. So, he chose to walked away with new smile.

In case of a certain friend, the person would choose to hate. To find a satisfaction in hating the other person, then the person would felt alive.

In some cases, they would engulf their selves in another love. Hoping that that love would washed away the old wound. Thus, playboy/girl.

In weirder cases, they choose to end their own life.

What about me? Well, I would lie if I tell you I had one. I barely feel anything. :P

People and A.I.

I think people thinking like any A.I. algorithm but with greater parameters. People would consider backtracking their past events to be an input to predict the next event. Then, based on the area of their heart, they would compute the maximum/minimum locality. The result would make them learn.

Some would lucky enough have their equations getting better because of a revelation of things from others. Some that lucky enough to watch TEDTalk videos or similar. Some that having series of events that formed his/her thinking. Some that wise enough to know all of this. Just like bayesian equation would gets better in SPAM fighting game. The corpus would make you wiser and getting the right choice.

Well, for most other, they would trapped in the maximum/minimum locality from the equation sets by common sense.

But, for you, my dear reader, you need to know that there are possibilities. You are entitled to have happiness. It's just you have to bake your own cake not just buy it from the store.

Two Mistery of Relationship Unravelled

2011-04-25T10:17:00.003+07:00

After watching FTV - you know, the cheesy sometimes plagiating from foreign easy going movie - I have learned this:

Girls are easy to fall in the hands of men. Don't touch her casually, if not you would touch her heart too.
Girls are easy prey to kind words. Don't flatter her casually, if not you would flatter her heart also.

A hard lesson, indeed! I wish I have saw the movies and learn the truth myself. After the thought of it, I was careless to let many have fallen. Like many men, I don't think of the devastating effect of embracing someone.

I thought, we're buds, a lad in laught, what harm is it to share skinships? I know that men and women distinctively built upon. But, I thought that was because of the culture. So, I thought if we are of we are, we would just be us, friends.

Well, part of my fault may be because I was learning humanity not as a whole. What I learned that we built relationship in order to have peace in each other. In order to have good relationship, I attained the knowledge of how human can reach each other in honesty. So, I learned to be honest.

When a girl try her best to dress herself, I think it's a good wisdom to show gratitude and saying:
"What a lovely way you have made yourself."
"I think you are better in [NAME MY CRITISMS HERE] but I like how you are."

And because I love to see women in their natural traits -- i.e. without those scary makeups that make them like Kabuki players -- I would love to say that:
"I think you are better without make ups."
"You are good at the way you are."

I do like them best with their natural look. I don't like the heavy make ups type. It's as if they wearing a mask. Furthermore, their skins are crying for help. They died faster and wrinkled. Such a waste.

The other thing is, I can read their facial face easily so I can detect mood swing. I don't have the ability to jazz when something unpredictable happens. All are calculated, so I can make peace with other human.

I wish we could be happy, all of us. I hate to disappoint people. To hurt people is the least that I would care to do. So, I think flattery and honesty are ways to go.

But, thanks to that darn Bruno Mars, I am in hesitant to say the truth. He made the song as if the words were cheesy. I do believe in what I said and I said sincerely; without hidden agenda or whatsoever.

I learn a lot from Open Hartig and the moral of it. From the statistics of history and stories ranging from fairy tail to drama, I think saying the words from your heart and try to be open is something that I choose to be.

I know I have the skill to be sly. With my intellegence and things that I have, I can be someone that deceitful. But, no, I thank God that I have chose of not being one. I believe the hidden secret of being Open Hartig.

Oh, btw, have you read the story yet? I can't search for it, but it was a story from my high school year in Bahasa Indonesia class.

Have you ever have a person who trust you? Everyone is on their own motives. All is take and give (but with the minimal give and maximum take). Now, suppose there is this person whom believe in you, and you let that one down. Don't you actually kill yourself?

Can you be happy with that? Being someone who betrays someone.

My trying of being open and sincere is good so far. I don't need to hide any conviction nor be in the situation of being suspected. I know that some would use an open heart, but I'm not that naive. I have a potent to be sly, though I don't want to be one. A political move or two sometimes needed to obtain peace with each other.

Anyway, why does being open makes you misterious? I know that women loves misterious men, but I don't think I'm one of them. But, why some of them think that I am?

Well, casualties of the past can't be undone. I hope I'm not doing anything wrong. I think I should watch those drama even more. It really an eye opener. I would not make wrong move. I am not a playboy nor want to be one. I have sisters and it would break a heart of mine if a pig men playing heart on one of those.

Anyway, I can't blame how to relate with humans differ from computer, even computer too have random bits sometimes. Even though they have error correction code, the IEEE number format also have its shortcomings. Random jitter in computer clocks also have its effect. Even the predictable computer sometimes result in unattended.

Thus, I need to learn more to blend in. I just need to learn more about human relationship. Starting from understanding to have friends with men and women. May be one day I would understand how love relationship works.

Until then, what a long journey to understand what love is.